speak now
i love you for your smile. i had to begin with that. you are one of those rare people whose smile makes me want to smile too. i love that being with you i feel and become a different person - a much lighter version of myself. a version that lives deep within protected by walls of cynism and nonchalance. you reveal the real me - the girl that lives within the woman.
i love you for your love of food. and abstract art. which sometimes i do not understand but would love for you to teach me. i love you enough that i want to show you my hometown. i want you to walk those streets i walked, see those sights i saw, hear those sounds i heard and smell those scents i smelt because you know who i am so i want to show you where i am from.
i love you for making me laugh. and blush. somehow only you can successfully accomplish the two simultaneously. i love that you inexplicably like to hear me sing. and that you used to watch me sleep. i love that i am comfortable enough around you to do both.
i love you for indulging my constant insanity and mood swings. for getting me a newly released harry potter book for my sixteenth birthday. i love you for your selflessness. i will forever love you for that night in '06 when you pulled me out of a dark place i hadnt even known i had stepped into. even then you saw what i did not. i can be slow like that. but you love me all the same.
i love that we can fight and make up. fighting is easy. making up takes patience, compromise and forgiveness. i learned all that with you.. and sooner or later you are going to have to forgive me for that one thing you still hold against me. even if i have to bribe you first.
i love you for your heart and mind. your courage and fears. your joy and pain. your strengths and weaknesses. you exasperate me with your occasional stubbornness and lewdness but after much thought i have realized that i would not have you any other way.
i love how you never give up on me. heaven knows i have given you more than enough reasons to, but you dont. you stay and have become a constant for me. i do not have words that can aptly express what that means to me. i want to see venice with you someday. you would appreciate the architecture and i will enjoy the ambiance. and shops of course.
i am telling you all this now because i do not know how much time we have left. i do not know if i will live to see tomorrow or even if you will. recent events have brought that home to me. and i do not want to take for granted this time that we are here now, together and well.
i love you for being alive. because you were right when you said that my life would be much darker and lonelier without you in it. so do not leave me yet, okay?
i will continue writing for you if you stay.
j.
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