Lessons

Let your kindness be your kindness

November 16, 2021 J. 0 Comments


Why boast of your scarifices when you were rewarded for them?

Choose your reward. 

When you lend a helping hand, listening ear or supportive arm. Your kindness is a gift. 

The moment you boast of it, whether consciously or unconsciously, or demand an act in exchange - it comes a transaction and you will have received your reward/payment for it.
 
That singular moment of boast and the accompanying pride you feel as you are praised for your benevolence - that bragging right - that is your reward. 

And it is no longer a kindness but a transaction. One well and fully paid for.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

040921


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Night,

Breaking

November 13, 2021 J. 0 Comments


Some days are difficult. So difficult you don’t even want to face them. But you have responsibilities and people who depend on you. So you pull yourself out of bed despite the pain and desolation. And you do all that needs doing even when you don’t have the energy to speak. 

Even when your heart is broken into a million little pieces at your feet. 

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Day,

Fall.. again and again.

November 10, 2021 J. 0 Comments


You tripped. 
It hurt. 

And worst of all, you had an audience. 
And you can hear the words they are not saying every time you meet. 
Or maybe the voice only exists in your head. 

Still. 
You’ve decided to wrap it up. 
You’ve crawled back into your shell. 
You can’t do this. 
You’re done. 

What if I told you to try again?
What if I told you that tripping was always part of the learning and growing process. 
That now that you’ve tripped once, you won’t trip again on the same pebble. 

It’s what you did as a baby, wasn’t it?
You fell, got back up and tried again. 
Repeatedly. 
Until you were running around on your little feet. 
Today you don’t even consider it a feat worth celebrating.
So what makes you think the process is any different now?
You might have grown bigger but the fundamentals remain the same. 
Get up and try again. 

I’m rooting for you. 
Juicy Raindrops! ♡


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Night,

.. stuck in a constant state of stage fright.

November 08, 2021 J. 0 Comments

I'm excited! Don't know what it is.. But it's a nervous, buzzing kind of excitement. It's good! I don't know what happens next but let's go for it. 

It's scary. Oh Lord, I keep waking up at night scared of what's coming.. What could go wrong with every thing - and send the whole house of cards tumbling. But, it's.. *sigh!!!* 

How do I say this? It's like holding your breath. And honestly not knowing which one will be your next or if you'll even have a next. So you're enjoying this one breath that you are holding. Just pleasuring yourself with it. It's sweet, it's fragile, it's frightening. It's precious too... 

Yeah! It's all that. Just staying on the brink. The brink of something huge. It could go either way. Left or right, up or down.. Or no where at all. But loving and living the now.. The RIGHT now.. The right this second.

Yeah, that's where I am. Stuck in this constant state of stage-fright and anticipation. Just hanging in a moment outside of time.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
061113

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Day,

About awaiting answers

September 04, 2021 J. 0 Comments


I used to want all the answers.You know how you’re watching a movie or reading a book and have all this knowledge and insight into everyone’s reasoning? 
I wanted that.. in real life. 
I wanted to have all the answers so I would make good choices. The ‘right’ choices. So I wouldn’t be floundering like everyone else. I would be like an overseer able to see all aspects of the situation. But I never got those perfect answers. In searching for them I learned many things. About the mind and heart of men. About the butterfly fluttering its wings in the Amazon forest right this moment. About the ripples that will follow in the fabric of space and time. 
My conclusion was a simple and modest one: I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to know everything. I will never have all the answers

And it’s fine. I don’t need all the answers to live my truth. I will live like there are no questions. Because regret, I’ve found is a thing I despise greater than the lack of answers.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
200621 

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Night,

The hearth; for those left behind

August 11, 2021 J. 0 Comments


I’m only half here. And I can’t even say it. 
And they don’t see it. But I’m barely here.

Sometimes my other half wanders by. But there’s never anything here to make her stay. So she undoubtedly leaves again.

There’s only half of me here. And I’m so very exhausted having to carry all this with only half of me. But she has a gypsy’s heart. I know better than to keep her here. It would be caging her. I would be killing her. And I can’t do that to her.

So I’ll stay and leave the porch light on for her. That way she’ll always find her way home. And she’ll know, even if she doesn’t come in, that someone waits up for her every night. 

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
0314- 110621

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braddie,

Flashbacks

June 26, 2021 J. 0 Comments


i'm on my rooftop again. this place is my haven. the world disappears when i'm up here. the only thing that kept me going on my walk home was the thought of coming up here. it's just 1430 so there are cars still out there and people bustling about their business, but come up here at about 0300 and it’s dead silent. just a girl, the dark starry night and well, you know how it works.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Day,

Guardian angel?

June 19, 2021 J. 0 Comments


He comes to visit me every night. 

He enters my room through the open windows on a cloud of mist and ever so quietly, he steps onto the carpeted floors of my bedroom. Quietly, he walks over to the edge of my bed and sits beside my sleeping form. 

He watches me sleep awhile and takes in the new lines on my face. Every new line, every new blemish.

Ever so gently, he brushes back a few hair strands that have escaped their hold from the pile on my head and kisses my forehead ever so dearly.

He lies next to me and holds me all through the night ever so lovingly.

He soothes me when I get restless and when I seem to be freezing, he lights me afire with only a flick of his fingers, ever so... *siiiigggh!*

Ever so wretchedly, he leaves me every morning just before my alarm goes off so I wake up with only a light sense of his presence on the fringes of my mind leaving me ever so lonely.

But ever so truly, he returns the next night. And ever so desperately I cling on to this unhealthy cycle of our relationship because while my days can be ever so stressful, I know my nights are always ever so.. Juicy! 

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

A kind of love

June 11, 2021 J. 0 Comments

Oh you dear one,
What do you know of love? Not that tepid insipid thing mixed with lust that walks around with the mask of love. That’s mimicry. It’s a case of stolen identity. Love should sue.

No, I am talking about burning fiery love. The one that wears a calm face but supports, builds, believes and cannot be anything else but itself. I am talking about love that craves not just this day or this night or lifetime.. I am talking about love that demands all your lifetimes in whatever form or way that your may be reborn. I am talking about love that sees in the dark and hears through silence.

I am taking about the bare surrender of the iron soldier who takes off his armour in her presence and lays his head upon her lap to rest and breathe, trusting in the hands that hold him to guide him home. I am taking about the confidence in her stance and walk as she takes on the world knowing that if she ever stumbles, she will be caught from behind before she ever hits the ground. 

Knowing that if she needs it, she has sanctuary in the heart of her soldier.
Knowing that she is the only place he can be without his army and armour and still be invincible.

Do you know anything about this love? Can you even imagine it?
Tell me truly.. Can you?

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

Recipe for a “beautiful” piece

June 05, 2021 J. 0 Comments


This recipe makes one beautiful pie-ce (of art). Serves 4.

Ingredients:
5 cups of fresh venous blood
3 cups of naked vulnerability 
1 tablespoon of heartfelt tears
1/2 teaspoon of sweat
A dash of loneliness 
A sprinkle of disaster  
A pinch of desperation 
A slice of life-received lemon
A sprig of self doubt (optional)


Procedure:
Throw all ingredients into a saucepan and apply heat. Cook for 5 to 12 hours and serve hot. Garnish with that sprig of self doubt and a slice of life-received lemon.

~~~~~~
An artist is somehow able to take these ingredients and transform them into the art that you see, admire and even dismiss or criticise.

This is to the artist. Whatever your medium. Words, paint, soil, food, glass, clay, resin, wood, oil, notes or instruments.

You are magic.
Pure, true magic. And your art matters.
They are works of heART!

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

Inspired by a conversation with Ahsia.

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Night,

Beneath the cover of night..

June 03, 2021 J. 0 Comments

I love the night. I always have.
We know each other well.  

It kept me company when I was alone and it gave me cover and shielded my pain and tears from the world. Now that I think of it, you could call the night a friend of mine. We do know each other well.

You’ll find that I write more in the nighttime. Particularly about things that i am feeling. The words flow easier then as if shielded by the night, I do not have to be anyone but who I am and so the truths come out. Mark Twain said, “Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth”. The night is my mask. My shield, my cover, my protection, my friend.

And what do I have to say tonight? 
So much. So very much that I could fill oceans and they would still overflow with my words and the depth of my emotions right now. I let it pile up. I had work to do so I didn’t bother purging. I haven’t written in months. So it piled up and now finally it’s breaking apart and I can’t even identify what all the emotions are.

Loudly though I can feel dejection and a sense of loss, as if I am in mourning. I’m not sure who or what but it’s in there. I’ll try to sort them all out over the next few weeks, months, years.. and if they choose to flow as words, i will return to write here.

That’s all.
May the night be with you.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

You made a liar of me...

January 26, 2021 J. 0 Comments

I said I would never again write of you.
But you showed up again 
In the craziest and most unforeseen way.
Just when I had finally stopped looking around the corner for your approach.
My heart lurched and now I can’t seem to stop the words from flowing.

You’ve successfully made a liar of me, Ray.
And I wish I could hate you for it.


Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Experiences,

Kogane no joō

January 06, 2021 J. 0 Comments

Shattering is a silent affair.
I think I’ve written something about this here before. 
But you see, I forgot - like man is wont to do.

It wasn’t until i knelt on the cold hard ground with my arms wrapped around myself to stop my body trembling that i remembered.
I remembered a lesson i should not have forgotten.
As quiet tears that would leave tracks on my skin fell from my eyes
My arms holding on tight as if to stop the pieces from falling.
Fighting to keep me in one piece.

Alas, it was a lesson i needed to remember.
So it came in a way that would prevent me from forgetting it ever again.
It tore me apart.
And when - WHEN i put myself back together, the lesson will this time remain as lines of fracture on my skin. I will highlight and colour them with gold lacquer and set myself on fire. 

They will call me Kogane no joō.

A woman repaired by gold.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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