My head is a jumble

October 22, 2020 J. 0 Comments

You know when you know there are words you need to write? You can feel them rolling around inside your head. But then you pick up a pen or turn on the screen and - poof - you can’t find them again. And as long as you don’t put them down, you won’t be able to make heads or tails of it.

This is me right now.
I’ll return when I’ve sorted it out.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

The Two Women ~ MJ

October 18, 2020 J. 0 Comments

I know what you want from me
but I can not give you what you want
I can not promise you forever 
You see there are two women in me and 
right now I don’t know which one loves you.

One woman falls in love hard, fast and wild
She is a hopeless romantic and she is fickle
She is highly capricious and eccentric
She could fall out of love with you tomorrow
just as quickly as she fell in love with you today 
And she will leave.
Do not doubt that for a second.
She was born with the heart of a gypsy 
and changes with the phases of the moon.
That is who she is.
And if you truly loved her, 
you would let her go when the time came.
Because you would understand that living any other way
would only extinguish her flame and spirit.
You will come to resent her for being who she is.
And she will let you because even out of love, she loves.
Again, that is who she is.

The other woman will resist love to her last
She falls in love slowly and with great reluctance 
Love will have to sneak up on her 
because she will run a mile if she saw it coming,
She is not particularly romantic 
but if she loves you today,
She will love you forever.
Her heart will bind itself to you through any and all situations
Even when you leave her alone.
She is steadfast, patient and loyal 
So she will stay, like the stars always remain
even when you can not see them during the day.
Her love for you will bind her completely 
Irrespective of her own wishes.
She will lose herself in being with you
You will repay her devotion with disdain
And she will bleed constantly from your carelessness.

So you see, I can not promise you forever.
Because either the first woman loves you 
And you will hate her tomorrow.
Or the second woman loves you
And you will ruin her in time.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Day,

Where the power lies

October 17, 2020 J. 0 Comments

Writing about the 1000 things that makes you happy is easy.
Writing about that one bad day in a month builds resistance
And then you start to panic, trying to keep it under wraps
And the more you hide it, the stronger it gets
The more you fight it, the stronger it gets,
And the stronger it gets, the more it agitates you.
And isolates you.
It’s emotional blackmail.

But 

You write about it and put it out there before it can grow
And you take away its power.
You wake up the next day, 
lighter than you would have if you still carried the weight of that burden.
Some burdens though you can’t completely shrug off like that.
Those are burdens of circumstance.
Like the loss of a loved one, lost job or debt.
But part of the process remains the same - 
Take away its power.
Find home in acceptance.
Find peace within yourself 
It will ground and centre you

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Experiences

Dear 19

October 11, 2020 J. 0 Comments

I write about my pain because it is relief.
Simple.

But also.

I write about my hard times because 
of that 19 year old in my DM 
who says she wants to be like me when she grows up.
While I am flattered I cannot help but worry for her.
Because I’ve had to live through some really painful moments 
And sometimes, I relive them again in waking dreams just for kicks.

She is so young and untouched
I hope she doesn’t just see my art and garden and think me a perfect model.
I hope she sees all sides 
I hope she knows that there are rough days
I hope she knows that days could be months
And months could be years.
I hope she believes that she will survive.
I hope she survives.
I don’t know what her trials will be.
So I want her to know so she is prepared 
And not rudely awakened.
I hope she learns how to handle hard emotions 
I hope she knows that it’s okay to have hard emotions
I hope she finds her outlet.
I hope she finds her light
I hope learns how to keep her light
I hope she learns to share that light.

Dear 19, this is for you.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Day,

Night to Day.

October 08, 2020 J. 0 Comments

They left me in the night and thought that they could scare me with the moon.
They didn't know that the moon and i were one and the same.

I walked into the day and saw the sun for the first time
It blinded me, but it gave me warmth
So i stayed a while.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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