The first time I grew sunflowers I realised that I was more like them. That I was in a constant state of growth, yes - but also that every stage I found myself in at any given point is a bloom. The lessons I learned about grief and loss this year are already forming a new bud which will grow on the back of the current bloom that I am. And as this bloom that I am completes its lifecycle, another bloom will open with another Jas that’s just a little better than the last one. I am in a constant state of metamorphosis like the sunflower. Always growing on my experiences. I dare to live that way and each bloom is just a little braver, stronger and kinder than the last one. 

A different bloom for a different part of me. Sometimes an experience teaches me about loss and patience simultaneously. Sometimes I could be experiencing two different situations at once - one good, one bad - and both are influencing me and changing me as I experience them. It’s like two sunflower heads budding simultaneously. And the next bud that will grow after their lives have ended, will carry their experiences and forge ahead. There is only continuous growth. A network of lifetimes lived at every stage. 

When my life reaches its inevitable end, at whatever point. I would have lived several lifetimes instead of stagnantly waiting for an unknown factor. A spouse, money, a child or even an opportunity. This is the way I choose to live.