1830-300411

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

Yeah so, I'm trying to move my FB blogs on here. So I apologize in advance to all those following if you see any repeats. I want to archive everything all in one place.

Today is the last day of the month. I have my first exam on the 9th and yet I can't seem to actually start studying. :P

Sooo sleeeepy!! (Woke up an hour ago from a 12-hour mini sleep coma)

Okay, okay! This stops now!! I'm serious!

30seconds later..

It's just not working. I need motivation. A speech, a person, a place, a thought, a song, a movie. ANYTHING!

*Sigh*

Okay, It's decided. Another sleep coma.. & then 6 straight hours on Human Anatomy.. or something.

Yeah, that's it! 

All that I am..

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

 I still play video games and I’m a sucker for cartoons. I spin my pasta, support Arsenal and call myself J. Hartley. I love my jeans and prefer my Jordan’s to stilettos. I appreciate thoughtful gestures and despise profligate surprises. I eat tuwo with a fork. I love my independence and wont judge you for who you are. I am attracted to fire but my element is water. I have a split personality and can kick your butt in GT3. I LOVE a good laugh!! I am almost always never patient and make a formidable enemy. I love ABBA and listen to Eminem & P!nk first thing in the morning. I don’t trust anything on 4 legs least of all 2. I am continuously fascinated by human nature yet nothing fazes me. I think tigers are cute, snakes defenseless and geckos lethal!! My favorite season is autumn and I LOVE thunder-storms! I’m an artist but my brushwork sucks. I want to see the world but will never leave my home. I think on a totally metaphysical level (!). I climb trees and hate heights. In my lifetime, I’m going to be a surgeon, astronaut, designer and author, you wait and see. I wear braces, read comics of all sorts and watch anime! I’M A DORK!! I cry reading Danielle Steel and had nightmares from ‘Haunted mansion’ (yes, the one with Eddie Murphy). I do not think that clowns are funny. Far from it! I SNAZZY DANCE when I’m excited and flunk physics! I think I have fangs and would love for you to be my test subject. I AM GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD... right after I learn to interpret ancient hieroglyphics.  I think Jeffery Archer is THE story-teller and that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... the leprechauns told me! I love the guys from my “debut” album but know we are never gonna be. I’m HELP-lessly romantic not HOPE-lessly so. I play hardball in tennis because in my mind’s eye, the ball is Dorm Mpther’s head. Kyo Sohma & Uchiha Sasuke are definite hotties and freshly mown lawns smell really good. I hate the sound of bells (blame high school) and can sleep for 48hrs straight. I can survive on noodles for 3-5years, practice chemistry in my sleep and write for hours. I love Haribo and have a crack-addicted insect on my wall named Joey (missing Ada right now). I’m quite temperamental (who isn’t yea?)  And love learning new stuff. Studies have shown that at the rate I’m going, my brain will blow up by the time I’m 38... Just like a balloon does when it’s had too much air blown in. I find haven in libraries [I did mention that I was a dork], arcades and my bed! And take solace from Haagen Daaz. How the hell can you not know who the HOKAGE is? I give my friends ridiculous nicknames which they cant help but love after-all.. I have a deep sense of duty and principle that is beyond the norm. Mother says that will bring about my down-fall someday.. I hope not. I'm like a mama-hen when it comes to those I love. Yes! I will pluck your eyes out of their sockets.

For you: The second chapter

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that, "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship. It is the spiritual inspiration that comes to you when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."

As beautiful as all that sounds it is completely bogus. I don't buy it.

The glory of friendship (in la-la land at least) is the knowledge that someone sees what the anatomic eye can not without a shred of judgment.

But what do I know? I am but a novice to a world of Barbies, Beliebers and Monsters. Sigh, I really was born in the wrong time. But oh well, a girl has got to make do.

I make the most sense when I'm writing so I thought this would be the best way to show my gratitude in this matter. I'm sure you approve. :)

You are such an amazing person! I know you use crude words and swear a whole lot, you can be impatient, frustrating and Argh! You jump to the worst conclusions AND you're a G!
Hey, I said AMAZING not PERFECT. But you know what? I wouldn't change one thing about you. You, your faults, merits, EVERYTHING I love and hate make you, YOU! The good outweighs the bad.. Plus who am I to judge? I'm worse than you are. (But you love me still) :)

Contrary to what you believe, I do pay attention. I actually do know, I just choose to taunt you. Keep in mind that you do deserve it at least half the time. Fine, 25% of the time. The other 75, I do for no good reason. And it's fun!

I have to acknowledge that Fate played her part. How else could I have had such good fortune at the exact moment I did? And without knowing that it was what I needed. You did a number on me.. in the good way. I was in a dark place.. and you realized it before I did. I count myself the lucky one. At the risk of sounding like a total softie, I'm gonna say this:

My dear smurf,
I love you for all that you are,
for all that you do.

Keeping me together when I'm going mental.
I want to return the favor.
So when the boogieman breaks out,
and the tide is rising..
Let me help.
I may not say or do all the right things
but be rest assured that every word,
every gesture will come
from the deepest part of me.
Whether we sink or swim,
we will BE! - Believe that!


 Reflecting on that line about being born in the wrong time.. It's not so bad when you take into consideration the fact that I've got the awesomest friends. What do you think? :)

Make a wish!

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

Every once in a while we all fall victim to a very terrible crime - Neglect. Lets face it, we've ALL done it. That doesn't make it right though. It just makes it even MORE wrong.

I'm sorry chica! I'm so used to having you around that sometimes I neglect to tell you just.. Wait! before that.
                                   
                                Happy Birthday darling! Make a wish!  :)

Now, as I was saying.. I love you. But that is just, well, obvious.

What you don't know is that I rely on you so much more than you know. I take strength from you. Through all the bitching and drama, every step of the way I'm confident because I know I've got you. Supporting and non-judgmental, but also ready to kick my ass if need be. -Ouch!-

Sometimes I just sit back and reminisce. There's never a starting point and definitely not an end. So much history.. So many memories.. Good, bad and in-betweens.

The bad..
The loss of beautiful ones.. Moha, Waziri, Baba L.. May their beautiful souls rest in peace. The drama. Testosterone. X-ing. ViDi. IT 1. IT 2.

The Good..
Dancing in the middle of the courtyard at 2am (our neighbors thought we were drunk as hell). Movie nights Ala le ke. Southampton. Snow fights. CHERRIES! The birth of Louis Cookie. Bradford. Sleep-overs. New years. Missing flights. Late nights. Cooking disasters (Jollof spaghetti.. LMAO). Monopoly with The Vuittons and The Barristas. 24. Marble Arch. Wonderland. Skin contact. Emirates Stadium. Therapeutic ice cream and shopping. 805. Milkshakes and Tai won mein. Riverside and boat rides. Paris. Venice!! And that's just the first line in our novel.

Even here the good outweighs the bad. No scales needed. But you know my favorite? First full moon in March. Nothing can beat that!!

On the 5th of March 2004, I not only made a friend, I made the BEST one. A sister. An ear. A shoulder. A hand. An evil twin. (Who does that remind you of? Don't scream!) Short devils. Small AND mighty!

... Seven years later, I'm still thankful.

I might want to turn you over and just keep spanking (you know why) but you always come through at the end of the day. We talk without words. Sing way off key. View life in 3D. Fight over mega-cute guys. We are so alike yet so different. Same song, different beat. I know we're imperfect, but we do it perfectly! Yin & Yang - ideally balanced. And since we're still the BEST, we must be doing something right.

This may all seem cliched but I never did care for propriety or what anyone thought. This is yours, Lola.

Past, present and future babay! (With my Lord's will of course) Hahaha! Now, I can say, I love you! Make a wish! ;)



P.s
Bring my fish to Braddie!

Unwritten..

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

No one thought it was possible but damn, it is!
(Ever noticed how the sun glints off the river in spring?)

This morning when the birds were chirping at sunrise, they played a song my heart knew all-so-well. I sang along watching the notes appear before my very eyes as if written by an unseen hand in the wind. Momentarily they stopped and all was quiet again. I didn't like the silence for it made it hard for me to ignore the voices in my head. But all the signs were there. I’m reading epics on romance and watching ‘sappy' romantic movies I normally wouldn't enjoy. I spend most nights awake, not pining for you but restless nonetheless. I grin ridiculously at nothing at all and catch myself singing "You're the one that I want" from "Grease" (the original) over and over again. I’ve been unconsciously doodling your name with little hearts on my bed cover, notebook and just about every surface I find. I blush to my roots at thoughts of you and feel my heart warm when I look at my black rose. I COOKED!! *gasp!*

 ♥ ♥ ♥ Let's face it, I'm in love!!  ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm not crazy, dangerously or even stupidly in love with you. I just am! Simple and easy. Just like it’s always been with us. I don’t feel the ‘floating’ sensation; neither do I want to swim across The Nile for you. I see us eating shawarmas while watching vampire diaries, dancing in a circus and arguing over very basic facts. I want to have the most ridiculous of experiences with you.
Being a teenager has it perks you know. How else would I have gotten away with such absurd and comical fantasies?

I have never had a love like this. I’ve been head over heels in love but this is just... Unwritten.
Beautifully so!  ♥

Messy!

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

So I'm alive to witness another sun rise, but here I lay in bed watching 'One Tree Hill'. The very peaceful night is being overthrown by the sound of vehicles as the little folk of Bradford get about their Monday morning.
So, I'm watching Luke and Peyton find each other (finally!) and I'm thinking of all the things that got them to that very moment. One thought leads to another and I find myself recalling all the epic love-stories that I've read and heard in all my 17 years (Shhh! *wink*). I couldn't help but notice that the best of them underwent the greatest challenges. It was almost like a sort of test. Those that passed? Well, got to live happily-ever-after, I suppose. And yes! there is such a thing. (though seriously overrated!)

Anyway I came to a conclusion: "The best relationships are usually the messiest."

Those trials and tribulations (blah, blah, blah), those migraine-inducing fights (oh, the memories), they all HELP reinforce your relationship.

Disagree to agree, right Lola? :)

(For Ray)
Let's tear a page from history and get as messy as we want.. If at the end of the day we can come to terms with the fact we're stuck on AND with each other, then we'll have our very own place next to Isis and Osiris.. With a love that transcends many births..

I hate being mad at you. But I hate you being mad at me more. Let's make up okay? :)

And in case you ever wonder, yes, we have the messiest relationship I know. ♥

0448-03102010

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

Seems I have a thing for windows and rainfall for once again for the millionth time, here I sit by my window watching as the winds howl and the skies cry. I'm soul-walking again. Determining the aspects of my life that need stay the same, get terminated or ejected and the parts that need change. CHANGE! Now there's the big one.


All my life I've always been known to have an aversion to change. Lately though I've had to accept that change is INEVITABLE. Everything changes! Even me! I've changed drastically from the girl I used to be. Maybe I don't even know her anymore. Or maybe I'm still the same girl only bigger, stronger and wiser. All these I now am due to change with growth being a 'selection pressure' and I'm not done yet. I will keep changing till the day my heart stops beating... and so will you. You see, you can accuse me of changing but if you were smart, you would see that no matter how many times or in how many ways I change, the important stuff still remain the same. Those are innate and they aint going nowhere.


A million things don't matter to me but another million do. I value loyalty and trust above countless other things and I'm known to speak my mind when and how it pleases me. I'm selfish WITH the ones I love and can continuously beat you at monopoly. That's just the way of it.


Me and you, we are a work in progress. And everyday that we remain friends, we gain more momentum and so it will be until we are unreachable. I'm Kim and you can be Ron! :)

Diary entry: 2132-181010

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

0329-22092010

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

There are moments I never want to end. Sometimes i just wanna hit the pause button and suck in the whole moment... Live in it. Dwell in it. BE it! But it slips away into a memory in the blink of an eye. These are fleeting moments and they present themselves unannounced. Like watching the sun glinting off a lake or that very first kiss. Like walking into a shop and finding those perfect heels in your size or that extra second you take to look into my eyes and tell me...
Other times I simply wish I could fast forward to the very end. Now, is one of those times. During these times every second feels like a lifetime and every minute an eternity.
But you know what's maddening? The fact that even if I could make it all go away, I wouldn't. Apparently I have a deep sense of consequence. It's not cute anymore.

Even in this very dark hour, she sits with me and brings life to the dormant parts of me
'Child be still' she says.
And it makes all the difference in the entire world.
As I cross over to consciousness I still see the words
Written in stone:
'Be brave; For this too shall pass!'

Story

The story of beauty... Marina's tale

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

Lemony Snicket once wrote that a book's first sentence often told you what sort of story the book contained. This is no book but the same rule applies. The first sentence of this note is,
                                  ''Carefully, she dropped the knife''.
There are no happy endings here so don't expect any. This is the story of Marina.



Carefully, she dropped the knife.
Already she could feel the warm liquid on her skin
It was comforting.
She leaned her head on the wall behind her
and shut her eyes... For the last time.



Over a decade before
Marina had been born into this crazy world.
Growing up she had never had a father who dotted on her
or a mother who called her ''cherie''.
No one knew when she'd had her first step
and no one cared that she had 6 toes.
She'd grown up in an orphanage with 50 other kids.
No one knew that she never ate lunch
because the school bully 'taxed' her.
No one noticed that she'd had blisters
and no one cared to kiss her bobo's.

Surprisingly though Marina grew up into a fine young girl.
At twelve, she had her first hang-over.
At fourteen, her first kiss.
By the time she was sixteen,
She'd lost all her baby fat and become a little lady.
She had 2 warnings, 1 suspension and detention almost everyday,
but no one was more optimistic than she.
She'd read a handful of books and
She'd learned that every cloud had a silver lining.
Her prince would come and steal her away from her foster parents
and he would cherish her for all of eternity.

Then she met Josh.
who was attentive and sweet.
It was summer, and he brought her flowers.
Typically, she fell head over heels.
Her prince was finally here.
Marina had had no one to tell her
that high school seniors were after just one thing.

At seventeen, Marina was 3 months pregnant
and Josh was no where to be found.
Her foster parents were mad.
She couldn't go back there.
So back to the orphanage she was sent.
All the other girls sniggered and pointed when she walked past.
Lost with no friends, Marina spoke to her unborn child.
She made promises that it's life would be better than hers.

That was what kept her going.
She began waitressing by day
and studying by nightfall.
Her pregnancy became more evident
making it hard to go to work.
But Marina wouldn't give up.
She worked up until the moment she felt the sharp pain
and her water break.

20 hours of labour later,
Marina gives birth to a premature daughter
whose lifetime was approximately 23minutes.
Distraught, Marina became depressed and bed-ridden.
Her only visitor. the dishwasher at the bar where she'd briefly worked.
Over and over in her head, she replayed her life story.
That was when I met her.

Young and fragile-looking.
But she was far from fragile.
Though I was older than she was,
Her eyes said that she'd seen more than I had.
In fact, Marina had seen it all.

After gently coaxing, she opened up enough to talk to me.
While she spoke it was as if time itself had stopped for her tale.
When tears filled my eyes, she laughed!
The first I'd seen and it transformed her face.
She was more beautiful than I'd initially thought.
After her mirthless laughter,
she said to me, "don't cry on my behalf
for I will get my due".

Marina died 3days after- Suicide.
She'd been found in the bathtub
with both her wrists slit.
On getting to the site, I was outraged.
How could she have been so stupid?
But that was before I saw her.
The paramedics and everyone else
were too busy seeing what they wanted to see,
that they missed something rather important.


On her face, was a smirk.
A genuine smile!
She looked almost haughty in the tub.
Like she pitied US and not vice-versa.
Then it made sense.
Her due - was her death.
In her reasoning, she was going to a better place.
I had to smile back at her.
Then I said a little prayer for her.

That night when I got home
I thought about Marina.
She'd taken her life into her own hands,
She was strong!
People needed to know her true tale.
Not the rumors and fabrications.
I pulled my laptop towards me
and started typing.. ''Carefully, she dropped the knife..

Many people will read Marina's tale
For the thrill or to feel superior over her.
Others, so they can scorn her,
Even in death.
Only one out of a gazillion,
will see the true message
behind the story...
The legacy she had left behind!

Rado

For you!

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

I never fail to be continuously surprised by how abruptly things can change, with yesterday becoming nothing but a distant memory. Everyone says, ''that's life'' and ''move on'' but no one seems to understand just how hard that is. Somehow just moving on with no remorse or regrets makes it feel like our time together was so fickle. Like it never actually meant much to me in the first place. That it could all be cast aside with such ease. If that's strength then I'm not a very strong person.

I miss you! And all the time we spent together. I wish we had them back. The easy companionship and the comfort in knowing we had each other. The talks till daybreak and the fights over the silliest stuff that lasted for all of a second. Everything was just so easy with you. It's no wonder that I love you so!

But all that was before the storm. Now we can only pick up the bits that can be salvaged and start rebuilding.

There were so many things we said we'd do together that we just never got around to. Mostly because we thought we had all the time in the universe. The world was our oyster.. Paris, Rome and Barcelona. How you would rage when I said Spain was for the ''hot guys''. You would never approve! And then I'd keep you up all night talking about my little fights with either Ummi or Faisal. You would listen to me blab and then tell me we were gonna make up the next day.. Hee hee.. You had a way of always being right! You would take one look at me and know exactly what it was that I needed.

Like I said, that was before the storm.

I would like to thank you and tell you that you are part of who I am today.. Actually, No! I take that back. 'Cause if you knew I'd tried to thank you, you'd KNOCK ME OUT! And you'd have EVERY reason to. Saying ''thanks'' is hardly enough. So I'm writing this! FOR YOU!

Even if we can have no tomorrows, yesterday will always be ours. I remember our time together with fondness... and maybe a little pain. Fondness because they are irreplaceable and pain because they ALWAYS will be!


You promised me forever... It's not forever yet!

Just press play!

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

We hold on to the past for one reason alone - WISTFULNESS
Which is normally not a bad thing but when one pauses their entire life for the past then it becomes scary and dangerous! I have an aversion to change. I love the predictability of everyday life and it keeps me content. Boring, but safe. I guess that was why i refused to let that part of my life go. I've lived in the past for so long now that when i finally came up for air, I hardly recognized the present. You could call me a coward and I wouldn't blame ya. I put my past life on a pedestal so high that it was impossible for anyone to beat that.
In the early hours of a wet but beautiful November morning I let myself get over the fact that fear of the unknown had kept me prisoner. Stagnant, Unmoving. Looking out my window now, I see that dawn is fast approaching and with it, a decision.

Pappi said, ''You are potentially apt to achieve the unattainable''
Shego said, '' Mimi, you're a survivor!''
Niggy said, ''.. sometimes I think you're stronger than me''

If I refuse to listen to the voice in my head then I think its time I listened to these ones. Of course it's gonna be rough but I wanna be able to look back every time and say to myself each time, ''It's no question, JUST PRESS PLAY''. No more pausing and rewinding like an old movie.

Bakar says I need to write more and maybe he's right. If writing is my own way of self expression, then so be it. I'm done rebelling! [Mother would be overjoyed! Her greatest wish come true]. If life's truly what you make it then there's really nothing to worry about. I'm facing this world head-on and vow to live for the moment and enjoy the little things- the moments that REALLY matter in the end. They say Life is an adventure, a puzzle, an opportunity, a journey, or a gift even. I say its a choice!

''Life's a ball
waltz, tango and boogie
to your own rhythm..
Its your time,
spread out your wings and soar'' --- MJH

Maybe I'm headed for utter and complete destruction and maybe I wouldn't last 3 days out there. But at least I'd be taking my balls (excuse me) and doing it in style... with my head up of course!
I will not crumble in the face of this world. I'm gonna take risks! Go ice skating (MO, set a date), Climb '''THE EYE''' and even go balloon riding if the weathers good. More subtle though, I'll eat sushi (Shehzad?), watch a horror film and maybe even fall in love again...

Here's to living IN and FOR the moment! Just press play people!
Cheers!

~ Jasmeen Marie  ~

PieCeS oF mE!

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments

"Under the azure sky and dashing stars,
I recall...
Thou who relinquishes all pain
and gives sure reason...
Thou who laughs at my stupidity
shares my joy and misfortune
and scolds my haughtiness...
Angels walking beside me
not protecting from harsh reality,
but supporting me through it all
What more could I ask for?

My friends, My sisters, My life... Mwaah!!

I was gonna dedicate a poem called ''The deepest secret'' by E.E Cummings (he's awesome!) but then I realized that a heartfelt one was much more deserving. So Chicas... hope u like..!!! xxx

Being BOLD..

April 30, 2011 J. 0 Comments