Day,
Healed? or Hidden?
I’ve always thought I had to heal by myself
No. That’s not completely true.
I found myself judged for some of my traumas
- things I had kept bottled in my heart for years -
by the people I had told it to in trust so I could heal.
This taught me to work through my healing process on my own.
Otherwise, I did not count it as ‘real’ healing.
I belied every other method of healing.
Having lived a few more years now,
I’d like to correct my past self of her view on the topic
and add some age acquired wisdom:
Healing is yours.
It happens at your own time.
Your own pace.
Your own way.
No one can take it from you.
And no one can dictate it for you.
If healing for another means finding justification in someone else
Then let them go for it.
Yes it is a road filled with uncertainty and danger
but they could have better support than you did back then.
Some people are fortunate enough to come together as two broken souls
and heal each other just by being together and accepting each other.
It is admirable that you want to do it on your own and are also capable of it
And maybe you don’t have it in you to trust anyone else with that position of power again
But healing is healing, my dear
in whatever form it comes.
You might not approve of some of its manifestations.
But I hope you learn to recognize when it is truly what it is.
Having said that,
healing is not self destructive.
And sometimes having that support could help you heal quicker and better
There is no reward for HOW you heal
Just as long as you do
Healing is its own reward.
So don’t swat away that reaching hand
Or that steady presence because of your old wounds
What this shows me now actually is that perhaps
just perhaps,
those wounds never truly healed at all.
You just buried them under mounds of subcutaneous cells
like the body does with the tuberculosis bacteria.
You have built fortress walls around yourself
higher than those of the Colosseum in its glory days.
That is not healing honey,
that is hiding.
And, I am going to say this now because someone has to..
over the last couple of years
you have completely perfected this role.
You are not healed.
You are simply in hiding.
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Juicy Raindrops! ♡
(It seems I channeled my inner Gretchen for this one, she would be proud).
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