I have emerged.

July 25, 2011 J. 2 Comments

I have been away a while and it isn't that i have had nothing to say. Truth be told, i have had tons to say but unfortunately without the words. my life has drastically changed over the last 2 months. so much so that i do not feel like the same person. all that i have come to know and depend on has proven to be a farce. my little cocoon shattered, though i doubt i have emerged from it a butterfly.
I changed the title of this blog from "Autobiography of a Cancerian" to "The asylum". it seemed only fitting.
i am not a new person, just different. the things that troubled me just a couple of months ago seem like lifetimes ago and frankly don't seem as important. Boys, shopping, parties.. etc. Just minor annoyances now. yes, i definitely am different.
Something in me, my innocence probably, died a horrific death but something else took its place. something fierce. The same thing that hasnt let me shed a tear after the last crying jag.
i lost a hero, a friend and a model. my family has a large crack in it and i hear voices in my head. i truly am a psychward breakout now.
but i found my dealing mechanism. "Shit happens - you get over it". if i dont think of it that way, i just might breakdown all over again.
i might not have emerged a beautiful and graceful butterfly but i HAVE emerged. and at this very point in time, that's is all that matters to me.