I left Braddie as soon as i could (which was 2 hours after my last lecture. Yes, i was that desperate).  Arrived London and headed for the apartment The Folks usually stayed in when they were in town. I regretted it almost instantly. No! regret isn't what i feel. There is a word for what i feel, i just don't have it yet..

I seem to be haunted by the ghosts of my family. Every room, every corridor holds memories that seem to jump out at me. Firstly, I walked through the door to have a vision of my sister running to welcome me. Then i walked out of the kitchen singing 'When you look at me - Christina Milian' and heard my brother make a snide comment about my singing voice. I also had a 10-second conversation with Pappi before i realised that i was standing alone in his bedroom. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind i do know that I'm hallucinating, but i can't seem to help it.  I can actually feel their presence here with me. Then, to stab an already inflamed toe, Ray went and picked today of all days to want to take a walk down memory lane..

"Sometimes when we miss our loved ones to a certain extent, the mind can not help but manifest them from our hearts to our eyes." - MJH

You know, i think i've found that word i didn't have earlier. It's loneliness. I am lonely.

Well now, after putting a face to the enemy i think i know what i need next: Sleep! I am going to let my exhaustion overcome me and hopefully have a dreamless slumber.

Rest well.

Juicy RainDrops!