I came on here to purge out some pain like i usually do and ended up reading many of the posts here. Sometimes reading my own poems triggers me but somehow tonight, they gave me comfort - even the really dark ones inspired by really painful memories. Fancy that?

In only days it will be the 13th year anniversary of my friend Aisha. You might remember her from here. 13 years! That means that this blog is also 13 years old now. Somehow it feels longer. I was 20 the year i started this blog and in the years between then and now i have gone through an entire universe worth of emotions. sigh. i know that doesn't sound poetically elegant but i am emotionally wrung out right now so forgive it, okay? I have written of light and dark, maybe more of the dark in recent years. But my initial promise from my very first post remains true - i only write of things i know. I have changed from girl to woman in this time and experienced the myriad of trials and emotions to comes with that. There are so many uncompleted pieces in my drafts folder that i cannot be motivated to edit and post. But each one represents a part of me, a stage, a sunflower head.

Why did i start this entry again? I think i've lost it. Ah yes, time passing and 13 years. 

I survived this August without even remembering to be wary of it. As if i had already simply accepted the transformation it will bring. For someone who has always been resistant to change that it saying a lot. Time, changes, transformation...

I know it sounds like i am about to make changes to the blog again but i promise i am not. I am still satisfied with the title and look... for now. I guess i am just musing. That is all.

Happy 13th year of this journey with the Psych-ward Breakout. May the madness reign forevermore.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

i vaguely realise that i am going through something right now.

it is something that yanks me out of every comfort zone i possess 

and forces me to share my life with another.

against my will.

despite it being, possibly, for my own good.

down the line.

in the long run.

maybe.

but realising this does not mean that the situation is resolved.

i am still going through it. right now.

i am still reacting to it. right now.

i am still seeking comfort and finding none.

so maybe i will be fine some time in the future

and might even look back to this moment and label it an overreaction.

it is a privilege that the future version of me will possess.

the ability to not be as tied to the turbulent maelstrom of emotions within me right now.

the ability to look upon them from behind a screen, 

a place of safety.

a place of knowing.

a place of having lived through this already,

through eyes of memory.

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