Heart Vacancy

People come into our lives for reasons and seasons. I have always understood that (or at least tried to). Those same people will eventually leave. I know that. And it is for that reason that i do not allow them into my heart. I do not take temporary tenants as letting go is always too painful an experience. So i roomed only a few and prided myself on the fact that with just my few Jewels, i was content.

Little did i know that the winds would blow the other way. Sure i didnt let 'new' people in, but those same 'old' ones took turns twisting their blades in me. Kaku... Ray... Where are they today?
I don't think of them often. But recently i have begun to. Trying to see if the problem lay with me. The way i see it, my only fault was loving them too much. Giving them that much of me. But then of course i am biased. I am The Psychward Breakout after all. Living with me must definitely be a hardship.

I was in that frame of mind when i felt another Jewel slipping from my grasp. What could i do? Fight for what i loved of course. So i fought. But instead of victory, it felt as if with every battle, i lost her just a little bit more. The pain accompained with that thought was much worse than having a mere blade plunged into me... so i stepped back. Like the warriors of my past lives i knew that some battles were lost before they even reached the battlefield. This was one of them. So i sheathed my sword. This was one war, i wouldn't win.

Legend I am, in battle. Legend I am, as a warrior. Legend I am... in love! I hope you find all that you seek.

Juicy RainDrops!

Fight or flight?

I just did some quick calculations based on my predicted grades for this exam and the numbers aren't looking good at all. I knew that I'd taken a huge gamble on this exam but i didn't realize just how big a gamble till i saw the numbers. I'm gonna have to tighten my proverbial belt this semester to get the 70% average i need. I am feeling quite deflated at the moment as you can imagine but no time to sulk, Pharmacology exams on Tuesday. Work! Work! Work!

*Oh! and about the ghost story below, i figured every Friday The 13th deserved a good ghost story! :)

Juicy RainDrops!

Ghost on the rooftop..

Ghosts? Don’t be ridiculous, as a scientist you know that there are no such things. But you see in Nattarg Apartments there was a ghost..
We all know that there isn’t anything magical about the rooftop of Nattarg Apartments. It’s just bare open space with not a single piece of furniture. The only sign of life up there are the cigarette buds of the Asian guy in flat 13 who goes up there for a smoke. There’s also the guy in flat 20 who sits with him sometimes. Late at night though when the general public is either in bed, drunk, drinking.. or getting there, a small figure takes the stairs from the first floor up to the rooftop. The figure stands watch for a little while before taking a sit at the far end corner. There it stays unmoving for about an hour before making its way back to the first floor and there all traces of existence vanish. None of the security cameras have been able to catch the figure’s ascend and/or descend every weekend. This phenomena just became known and accepted as the “Bride’s visits”

Rumors say that raised voices could sometimes be heard from the rooftop during these “visits”. There have been no eye witnesses though as no one who has lived to meet this ghost has lived beyond that point. Well, that’s just a bit dramatic don’t you think? The truth is that no one has ever seen her.  She was dubbed female when one of the rumors claimed that she left a very faint scent of parfume in the air. Some say she curses, others say that she weeps. One school of thought is that she was a girl who lived in a house which had been located where the present day Nattarg Apartments was built, so she goes up to the highest point of the building to cry for her lost home. Another is that she was a wrongly accused and killed witch who was buried beneath the building. So she hunts and curses all the tenants every few nights. The most widely accepted though is that she was a bride left waiting at the altar, jilted by her lover. And still, even in death she makes her way to the altar to await her beloved. When it seems like all hope is lost and her lover doesn’t show she wails and cries up there and leaves.. Only to return the next week to wait again.

So many imaginative ideas dontcha think? But I know the truth. About the little creature that lives on the first floor who loves to just sit up there at night and gaze at the stars and reflect. Hoping beyond hope that she understands what she needs and sending thanks for her circle. I know this because she tells me so.. every weekend when we sit together on the rooftop of Nattarg Apartments watching the skies and envisioning worlds beyond our own. She was that kind of person.

The rumors were right about one thing, she is female. Not your average Casper unfortunately but interesting enough for a living apparition.

New Crush Alert!

I just found one of tv's best kept secrets - Behold, David Krumholtz! Oh my gosh! The man is just beauty-FULL! (Or he is when he's playing Charlie Epps in 'Numb3rs' anyway!) I needed some sleeping material (usually boring shows, black and white films etc..) so i put on an episode and now i'm done with the first season!!

Oh, his smile! X.X I'm love-struck!

Don't believe me? See for yourself.


Now imagine THIS spitting mathematical principles like rap lyrics. No Joke. Again, his smile!! It's so cute and sheepish and cute! And the hair!! All curly and unruly. It suits him.

Yes, I do have my girly moments and this is one of them. I'm sorry but this beats Tom Cruise in a Russian General's uniform. NEW CRUSH STATUS CONFIRMED!

*Long, dreamy sigh*

 Juicy RainDrops!

Movies 2012

Top 20 movies I'm looking forward to this year ISA:

January:
1. The Iron Lady -- Saw the trailer and loved it. Margaret Thatcher's my kind of woman. Must-see!
2. Haywire -- I love movies with good-agents-gone-rogue. All the adrenaline, ass kicking and justice-killing! (LOL!) - A must-see!
3. Underworld: Awakening -- Always gives me goosebumps but i keep coming back. Must-see!

February:
4. Man on a Ledge -- Nice trailer. Might see!
5. This Means War -- Saw trailer. Comedy. Nice! Might see!
6. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance -- Nicholas Cage returns as the Ghost Rider. A definite must-see!

March:
7. Wrath of the Titans -- Suppose to be a sequel to 'Clash of the Titans'. Will give it a chance.

May:
8. Men in Black 3 -- "Here come the men in black..." - I never did know the next line to the song. :) MUST-SEE!!
9. The Avengers -- All my favorite Marvel Superheroes in one movie (happy dance) - Must see!

June:
 10. G.I Joe 2: Retaliation -- No explanation needed. Must-see! 

July:
11. Ice Age 4: Continental Drift -- I didn't really like the 3rd one so i hope this one's better. 
12. The Dark Knight Rises -- Again, Marvel Superhero! :D
13. Step Up 4 -- Not really sure why this is here. I didn't even watch the third one. :P

August:
14. The Bourne Legacy --  MUST-SEE!

15. Diary of a Wimpy Kid 4: Dog days -- Haha! Definite must-see.

September: 
16: Resident Evil: Retribution -- Must- see!


October:
17. Paranormal Activity 4 -- I don't usually do horror films but... *hides face* I saw the third with Knight. Seems only right that i see the fourth, don't you think? Must-see!

November:
18. Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn II -- Do you even need to ask? #TeamJacob! #TeamWolf! (I just had to add that) *Sweet smile*

Well not exactly 20 then - Sue me! - and a significant majority are sequels.

As you can see i've clearly had a little free time on my hands. Today's exam was well-deserved. I actually can't wait to see my result and that is saying something. Now to catch up on 12 hours worth of sleep...

Juicy RainDrops!

Immunology or Apocalypse?

Sorry for being M.I.A. these past few days. January exams are here and you know what that means - Whose great idea was it to have exams right after the Christmas break anyway?  Needless to say that with the family here i didn't do as much work over the break as i should have so i was a bucket full of nerves today. I didn't sleep and couldn't eat. I had to keep reminding myself that it was an Immunology exam and not the freaking apocalypse. Of course that little bit of logic didn't help at all as I was far beyond the point of reason. As far i was concerned immunology exam was the apocalypse. You see, because the genius in charge of designing my semester timetable put in 2 hours of immunology right after 3 hours of Medical Microbiology every Tuesday, i barely ever listen and/or attend immunology lectures. After 3 hours of Microbio even you would need a break.

Anyway, that's all history now and the exam went well. So much better than I'd thought actually. But before i have my victory dance i'll see what tomorrow's paper is like.

EMBARRASSING STORY ALERT!
I think i mentioned somewhere up there that i hadn't been able to eat prior to my exams. Well, my tummy noticed too for 30 minutes into the exam it started rumbling. Loud. And endlessly. You know the normal 'grrrr' we all get once in a while, well mine was more along the lines of 'grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!' And just when i think it's finally stopped, it starts again. I could've died of embarrassment because the exam hall was so quiet! *covers face* I didn't turn to see if anyone had heard because i just knew they had. Especially Tom who was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME! My suspicions were confirmed when less than 10minutes later, Tom's stomach growled as well. Loud and clear! Call me devilish but i felt a kinship to him at that very moment... and had to forcefully bite back a smile. :)

Juicy RainDrops!

2.0.1.2

I started this blog (as with most people) as a vent. A place where there wouldn't be any rules and if there were any, they would be dictated by me. But somewhere along the line i got too personal. And more and more of the people in my reality kept finding their way here. I didn't want anyone who knew me seeing that much into me. It was way too close for comfort. What I'm trying to say is that I'd gotten too attached to this blog. Put too much of myself into it. I had to take time off. And now that I'm back, I'm going to take out a few entries. Just a minority.

This blog will still hold an essence of me. And i will still put up entries when i can. I will tell you hilarious university stories and complain about education too. I will tell you about how i fear I'm falling love and how i danced in the rain. i will write about love, pain and friendship.. and as i want to forgive someone that really hurt me a couple of years back, i will write about forgiveness too. It's time.

It's a new year - (have any resolutions?) - I do! I want to Live more, Love more and Laugh more. It's that simple. I'm also going to face a couple of my fears - Not really great fears but fears nonetheless.

I want to do a lot of exciting things. Witness a miracle. Do something extraordinary. Pause and gape in wonder. Be surprised. Be impressed. Write a letter. Befriend a stranger. Ride a roller-coaster. Create memories. Keep pictures... And lots more.

I hope you will let me share all these with you.

It's good to be back.


Juicy RainDrops!

The night before..

10 more days..  I'm counting down the days left to see my little munchkin! :)

Tomorrow is Day One of my Master Cleanse. I have all the ingredients ready and i am good to go. I've taken measurements of myself for the 'before' and 'after' too. Wish me luck!

I've got my last exam on Thursday and then school closes (hallelujah!). January exam timetable's out (starting 10th Jan.) and results for my Viva and other exams will be available on Blackboard this week. *wringing fingers*

Anywaaaaay, I have to run now. Hope everyone's doing great and having a great time Christmas shopping. :)

Bless!
Juicy RainDrops!

Knight evacuation plan.

1. Cut off all communication (Phone calls, skype, BBM)
2. Destroy the evidence (chats, photos etc)
3. Erase the memories
4. Move on

Simple!

Well, Numbers 3 and 4 might not be as easy as they were to write, but they can be done. It's the weekend babay!! Don't ask about my Immunology exam. I wouldn't answer. Let's just say it steals the "worst exam ever" title from Reproductive Biology. No joke. No need to say that i'm not looking forward to seeing the results.

Otherwise, i'm.. okay. Don't read too much into it. I'm just exhausted, been cleaning and doing laundry all day. Really, really exhausted actually. Have to run!

Have an awesome weekend.

Juicy RainDrops!

Graduation!

I went for Jerry's graduation yesterday! It was amazing. I was so full of pride and maybe a teeny bit envious. He's now done with his Master's and about to embark on the rest of his life. Oh *sigh!*

Whenever i think of graduation speeches, i think of Elle Woods' (Legally Blonde). It wasn't the best or even the most eloquently put speech I've ever heard or read but somehow it moves me. it works for me. During the ceremony yesterday, there was a speech given by the Student body President that had the crowd hooked. He spoke about sleepless nights, missed meals and practically living in the library (there was a lot of howling and groaning at that).. :)
.. But also he spoke about how the world was changing. Technology is making our world one, as in, the borders between the continents are not as vast as they once were. He painted an image. He imagined that if every one person in the world could make a positive impact, just one, on the global community we would create a masterpiece. At the end of the speech i (and a whole others) were on our feet, clapping for the simply motivational and well-intentioned speech.

It made me think of my own education and the probable six years i still had ahead of me. I do not look upon them with dread anymore. Nah, I am quite looking forward to making the best of them now! To the day when i too will wear that black gown (that will probably be too long for my small stature) and the cap (that probably wont sit still on my head) while i walked up to that podium (a nervous wreck) to collect half my life's work (a sheet of paper).

May we live to see the day! :)

Juicy RainDrops!

Best things about 2011.. so far!

The year is coming to an end. November went by really fast. Hell, the whole year went by fast. Wasn't it just yesterday that 2011 started? That i was nervous about my first day back in Uni?

Before the year runs out completely though, I want to take a moment out to be thankful for all my little joys! Here's a list of some of my favorite things about 2011:

1. Ron Pope - Where has he been all my life? I only just found him last month. And, I. Love. Him. Whether i'm walking to school, cooking or trying to sleep, his voice eases the process. The New England Sessions is definitely my favorite album though.



2. iPhone 4S - I adore my phone. Well, Siri in particular but same thing. Little problem with Lebara sim cards but still. Siri and i are in a serious relationship. Phone was made for lazy bums like me! :D Records lectures too.





3. Sainsbury's all-butter sultana cookies - One word: Heavenly! They are so yummy and chewy and well, everything. These babies get me through exam periods and emotional upheavals. You see cookies, i see sustenance. *shrug*



4. The Newsagents - The only problem i have with my new apartment is the fact that there isn't a local supermarket anywhere close by. It's a 15-20 minute walk to the nearest Morrison's and that simply doesn't suit my lazy bones. So to my intense joy a small newsagents was opened in September RIGHT NEXT DOOR and they have all my basic, everyday needs. *big grin*


5. Clean & Clear advantage pack! -  If you have breakouts as often as i do, you'll love 'em too!



6. Fast five - Action movie of the year (no matter what anyone else says!) Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Ludacris and Tyrese. Need i say more? *swoon*



7. Death Note - Okay, so i know 'Death Note' wasn't created this year but i found it this year and it made me a very happy person. Seriously. Now, do i see any L fans out there? Yes, i thought i did. :)



... To be continued.

Juicy RainDrops! 

Girls will always be girls!

Pooh.

2 more exams down. 2 to go. 

I was so exhausted yesterday it wasn't even funny. The day started out good (or so i thought). I showered, had breakfast, did some final revision and headed to Uni only to realise that i was way too early. I waited with Bin2, and everything else went on quite smoothly from then on.

During the practical part of the last exam i saw something that made me pause. Two of my sternest female lecturers were talking and admiring each others' coloured nails. Oooh-ing and aww-ing over something so mundane. It was such a feminine moment i couldn't help the smile tugging at my lips. It made me think that no matter how old we grew and what occupations and beliefs we have, there'll always be one truth: We will always be girls at heart! :)

It's saturday and i'm taking the day off (watching 'The Mummy' for the millionth time) before the revision begins again in preparation for the Immunology exam i've got next Friday. Don't you just love education?

Have a great weekend!

Juicy RainDrops! 

Jasmeen.. Cordon Bleu?

Yes, you had better believe it! My cooking skills have surpassed that of the average man (or woman). I should be made head chef in some exotic restaurant in the south of France..

.. Oh, who am i kidding? I've been living off junk and all sorts of other concoctions for the past week. You wouldn't believe some of the things i've made and pushed down my G.I. tract. So much for healthy eating. I'm actually too scared to get on a scale right now.

I blame Education of course. But i wouldn't have it any other way 'cuz despite all my complaints and threats.. I LOVE WHAT I DO! Plus at the moment it keeps 'The Knight' off my mind - which believe me, is a HUGE bonus.

Now, The Knight. I have tried not to mention him on here at all but i think it's time i came clean. I met a boy (Isn't that how all tragic tales begin?) Anyway, we're calling him 'Knight' - I know it goes against my 'R' names but you'll see he's different. We spoke and i didn't feel the need to gorge my eyes out after the first 5 minutes. Lola is always scolding me for never being aware of the opposite sex. Seems i was just binding my time as this guy is like totally on my mind now. It's a new feeling, this awareness.. but it was also one i wanted to explore. (Recipe for disaster, don't you think?)

Anyway it seems like when i realized that my curiosity and therefore feelings for said Knight were escalating (the more i found out, the more i wanted to know), i decided to stop. But then i encountered my first obstacle.. apparently there isn't an on/off button for these things. So basically, fast forwarding through all the trims and lace, i really like him. And if you've been following me long enough you'll know that for me that is NOT a good thing. I tend to love like a crazy person. Fully and wholehearted - my biggest flaw.

I'm determined not to let it go anywhere beyond basic friendship. I could lie to you by saying that this has something to do with Ray or even Rado.. but i won't. The truth is so much simpler: I'm scared shitless!! I can see me falling for this guy, like really, really falling for him. And before you make any conclusions i do NOT have commitment phobia. I like to think of it as self-preservation. Sue me! :P

Anyway, two exams tomorrow, gotta run. But I'll leave you with a picture of my latest masterpiece (you're welcome!) Don't ask for the recipe. I won't share.. plus i honestly have no idea what's in there. I just kept pulling on jars and spices but it tasted really good. No lie! Kisses!




Juicy Raindrops!!

Omg. Omg. Omg.

Omg. Omg. Omg.

New Boyz II Men Album: Twenty! Can you imagine? Omg.

Omg.

Okay, last one. Omg!!

Done reading for Clinical Biochemistry exam. Only final revision left for Thursday night. Now, to tackle Medical Microbiology.. But before then, one more.. OMG!!!


Fa La La..

Two exams on Friday so I have been very busy today - (big surprise!)

Anyway, i took a mini break to show you this song i came across! I know the original was by the Jackson 5, but I simply love this version.. plus i'm partial to BoyzIIMen.



And also..



Enjoy.

Juicy RainDrops!

1037-271111

I just read about the death of one of my college mates. It's sad. Very much so. He was one of those people who had big dreams. He was like me. A few days ago he was excited about his new job. And today he is no more. I was in bed, sleeping.. tethering precariously between life and death. It could have been me who didn't wake today. And it still could be. My mother always says that the end of the year is usually when people died the most. I've heard of 3 deaths this week already. I'm sure that there are a lot more. May their souls rest in peace.

Kindness needs no words..

I have this thing i do where i mute my tv when i'm reading. It's probably psychological but the images without the sound helps me focus. Anyway, a couple of minutes ago i decided to take a break from my Viva preparation. I turned to the tv to witness a most heartwarming sight. A little girl (about 9 years old) was seated outside about to eat her hot bun when she notices a woman with her child in her arms, and two younger children begging on the street and giving flowers in turn for kindness. No one was paying attention to them. Some of the passers-by actually walked right past them without even glancing up .. but not this little girl. She caught the eye of the younger daughter and saw the longing in her eyes so she went over to hand the bun over to her. After receiving what seemed like a nod from her mother, the young beggar girl collected the bun and dived in. Her older sister then ran after the kind little girl to hand her a flower in gratitude.
My tv was muted of course and i couldn't hear a word of all this but i was moved. I felt a rush of so many emotions all at once. I want to change the world, i really do. Scoff all you want but I will do it, ISA. Even if it's only one life i get to change, it will be a start. I just checked and the movie is called, 'The Little Princess'.

This probably seems silly but it was blog worthy! I have to go now. Busy bee and all that.

Juicy RainDrops!!

Eat::Pray::Love

Life can be so unfortunate sometimes. I just went on FB and read the most heartwarming status made my Lola for the brother she lost on this very day 2 years ago. Then right underneath it was some guy talking about how he liked ‘it’ in the back seat of a tinted car. I almost deleted him in my rage but then I sobered. It wasn’t his fault. Not really. We don’t know pain or loss until we are faced with it. Until it burns us to the very core of our being and we hurt so much that we beg for death as a reprieve. Believe me,  it is the worst feeling.

I was in a mood so I went along (reading status updates) when I saw this:

“This world, is only but a temporary accommodation + mere delusion. Indeed man is ungrateful to his Lord. This he shall know, on the day of recompense.”

And for a while I simply sat there thinking about how seriously we take this life. The same Life whose only certainty is the one in its end. I thought about our world today and  it didn’t make sense. Why the lies? Why the greed and the war? What’s the ultimate goal?

Why the incessant fear and thirst for power? Why the need to intimidate your fellow man? For mere superiority? A truly superior being isn’t the one who puts fear into the hearts of men. All tyrants fall.

Why fight with good friends over silly things and end up not talking for years? Why hate someone who has everything you’ve ever wanted? Why not look around and realize that all that you truly need, you have. Otherwise you wouldn’t be alive at this very moment. Appreciate it and thank The Being responsible.

What is the point of loving in secret when you could simply say it? What if they died this very day? Would you spend a eternity thinking ‘what if?” ? What could truly be more tragic than that? If they’re with someone else then they weren’t yours to begin with. Don’t destroy another’s happiness. Find your soul mate. There are apprx 7 billion people on earth, I’m sure there’s one person for you.

Help a stranger. He could be the best friend, you’d ever have. He could also put a bullet through your head of course but your intentions would have been true. Walk away and you could find yourself in reversed roles sometime in the future. And he will recognize you. Believe me, Karma never misses a chance to make a point.

People will hurt you, betray you, and disappoint you. They will leave you when you think that you need them most. But they cannot break you, not unless you let them. We are a strong race. We have survived extinction for thousands of years. We have survived hurricanes and earthquakes. We are survivors. You will survive. And if you ever contemplate hurting another, remember how it felt when it was you.

Put your heart into things that matter to you and do your best. Perhaps it’s your undergrad degree, or a new car, or that job promotion you’ve always wanted. Work for it! Deserve it!

Contentment is a state of mind. Be content!

Face your fears and overcome them or you will crumble before them. Death kills you once; fear does it over and over again. And each time it takes away a vital piece of your soul. So ‘Keep calm and love life’.

Belief in oneself is the greatest power at your disposal. Attain it and don’t let anyone take it from you. You can do anything if you believe it. Believe in possibilities, Dream in colour!

Essentially just eat, pray and love. And you’ll be the happiest you, you can be. Life is way too short and is already complicated enough without your help. Just let go! 

x x x
M.J Hartley 

A circle one!

You would think that i would've learned by now but it's always so easy to believe what we want to be true, isn't it? Don't mind me. I've been thinking again. It's Wednesday already. I have only 2 days of reading week left and i didn't start any real work till today. *sigh*

Anyway because i was being dramatic(?) and also getting caught up with me, i didn't call Mama and as such didn't know that she'd been ill. Needless to say, i felt like a total heel. I would've done anything she asked and she knew it so she asked that i call Ray.
I did.
We talked.
We laughed.
We sobered.
It was actually good for me. I will love him always. I've always known that. Now, i'm okay with it. He's still one of the best people i know. And one of the few that i know genuinely care about me.. even if i tend to forget it sometimes! :)

Rado and i have fallen into new pattern. And we aren't fighting anymore. We are.. us! That's all there really is to it. MO and i have been as crazy as always. Apparently he'd gone to a lingerie party and was almost raped. I laughed long and hard of course.

I'm studying again and content with all that i am. I have found my inner peace. I have great friends and an awesome family! I'm doing what i love.. everyday. Seriously, I am blessed! I have all i need! MashaAllah!

{Oh! And i didn't tell you about my Eid Dinner! It was a success! :) Will put a picture up when i have a stronger internet connection.}

Tonight, mine is gonna be the window with the lights on as i burn out all my night oil! 

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

Rebirth

Yes, It's me! Back from the depths of hell. Seems even they don't take whinny brats! So I'm back. Bigger, better and wiser (?).. let's just say stronger. Cuz i am still going to mess up.. bad!

I spent the last 2 weeks seesawing between pathetic and dreadfully pathetic and somehow i convinced myself that it was okay. i wasn't hurting anyone after all. WRONG. I was hurting myself. BIG TIME. Turns out i depend on my insane sanity much more than even i know. Without it i just kindda went haywire.

Quick recap..

1. I made a mess of my hair - Deranged as i was, i let myself get talked into putting on a 'lace wig'. It turned out to be the worst 80 quid i have ever spent. Surmise to say i have another salon AP next week.

2. I made an even worse mess of my academics - You wouldn't begin to understand the amount of work i have to do and turn in. Apparently those residing in hell don't do homework.. and/or study. AT ALL!

3. I called Rado - If you honestly need me to explain further then you haven't been listening. (or reading as the case may be)

4. (This probably shouldn't get to me but..) I took this visual behaviour test thingy (not professional) and my results were: dependent, insecure, witty and thoughtful - With the exception of the 'Witty' and perhaps maybe 'Thoughtful' (though that does depend on the context in which it is used, but i'm optimistic), i hate everything there. Dependent? Insecure? I have lived my whole life trying hard not to be either of the two only to have it thrown in my face and (here's the hard part) for me to realise that it was true. Somewhere along the line i did become.. (choke) insecure and dependent. I depend on Mama, Lola, RooQ, Bin2.. Hell i even depend on Gretchen!!! And with dependency came insecurity. The feeling that i just might not be 'enough'. I started to have doubts.. terrible ones. I started to think (and almost believe) that couldn't do it. Not Biomed, not Med school, not anything! It isn't a nice feeling, that i can tell you. I don't wallow. Or cry over nothing. Or lay back and wait to be spoon-fed. That isn't me. Has never been me! I guess somewhere along the way, i started loosing touch with who i was.. what i was.
                                               I AM SUPERWOMAN!! 
Through and through. I slay my own dragons and defend my own castle. I am a warrior. A survivor. My mother's daughter. My father's daughter. An enigma. A helpless romantic. An avid reader. A clumsy dancer. An excellent artist with terrible brushwork. I can't read maps and have never understood how compasses work. I can be obsessive, selfish and arrogant.

That is who i am. Who i know. With every fault and flaw, i am who i am. And i would like to never forget that again.