Once in a blue moon


I came back late enough to see the moon hanging in the sky.
It was a new moon, I noticed
and even then I knew tonight was one of those nights.
I went in, showered and ate – mechanically, automatically
performing my ablutions and keeping to my normal routine.
Then I made it to my room and it all came flooding in

The night was of prom
Have you ever thought what a weird word that is: prom.
Seems like it should be short for something
Like say, promise.
That would suit just nicely because it was on such a night
That we made our promises.

That night, almost 10 years ago that we sat side by side,
watching our friends dance, scream and celebrate
the end of a phase of their lives.
I remember that night so vividly even after all this time.
The lights in the hall were dim but I can see the way you looked,
Remember the way I felt, the song that was playing.
You said the words to me quietly, 
so quietly that if my head hadn’t been on your shoulder, 
I would have missed it.
I looked up at you, you looked down at me.
I remember wondering if I had imagined it.
If perhaps I had been so much in the moment that my overactive imagination
had decided to make a great night perfect.
But there was a question in your eyes, you were waiting for me
I know because I have waited for you too and just like that it all fit neatly -
Like a key in a lock.
The words “I love you” are a promise.
And that night we made each other a promise.
Promises we both broke.

On nights like this, with a new moon hanging overhead,
I think of the what-would-have-been’s and wonder where we went wrong,
If we could have done things differently - 
You would have said the right thing
and I would have done the right thing.

On nights like this,
I miss us something fierce.
The boy you were, the girl I was.
And I get so tempted to call you
Just to hear your voice, to see if i remember it right.
I wonder if you remember it all as clearly as I do.
I wonder if you wonder about us at all on these blue moon nights.

I wonder if you remember that we didn’t fight for us
You were the loser who gave up too soon
and I was the arrogant one who wouldn’t fight alone.
Then time passed as it does and we both changed
and there was nothing left to come back to even if we had wanted to.
You moved to another and then another
and I found bigger goals than simply being the eternal love of your life.

I don’t regret loving you.
Even if I think that you and I were simply a waste of potential.
But on nights like these,
I wonder where we would have been now 
had you been a storm weather-er and I a little braver. 

J.

Dreams and Nightmares


I dreamt about you last night. Though you've remained dancing on the fringes of my mind, I hadn't actively let myself think of you, let alone let you creep into my dreams. I haven't picked up a pen in a month, scared of where my thoughts would lead and therefore the words I'd write. Because I can only write about that which I know. That which I feel. So instead I have only read books. Nora Roberts, Caroline Mortimer and Laura Kinsale. And if I happen to read a line that jumps out of the page and stabs me in the heart then I can smile wistfully and keep reading. Keep forging ahead. Gambare, right?

But today I had a dream. And it was a nightmare. We were in a casino playing blackjack with a couple of your friends. I didn't have any heart - and when your friend let slip that you'd married in the years I haven't seen you and had given life to another, that became literal. For the band aids that have kept my heart together couldn't take anymore and they gave way under that one final assault. And all those pieces that used to make up my heart, crushed and ground into fine dust. In my next breath, they flew way leaving behind an almost empty chest cavity - with only a muscular organ which was still pumping blood to my body parts. Keeping me still in existence if not alive. Extending my torture. 

But then I smiled. And won at blackjack. And then I woke up in my own bed.
I haven't dreamt of you in a long while. 
I haven't even let myself think of you. 

And now I remember why. 
You're the only one who has enough of me to break my heart. 
Even in dreams. 

J.

i hope you're happy



we hadn’t spoken in a while you and i,
and today when we did, we spoke like strangers
we spoke like two people who had just met
or people who knew each other through an acquaintance
we spoke as if we hadn’t known each other’s secrets
as if we hadn’t told each other everything once
as if we hadn’t spent the last decade of our lives being each other's shoulder to cry on, 
each other's hand to hold, each other's sounding board, 
partners-in-crime, we were
helping each other pick up the fragile pieces that was left 
whenever Life would throw us a curve ball
we spoke like strangers
we spoke like to two people who barely knew each other
but we used to know each other, didn't we?

we used to know what made the other cry
we used to know what made the other smile, laugh 
what to say to distract at exactly the right moment
what to say to make the other consider, think
you used to know
i used to know
we used to know.

we used to be these incredibly close people usually referred to as one entity
people would tell one of us a thing 
knowing the other would know about it too
we were those people
but today we spoke like we hardly knew each other
like acquaintances of a meeting or two
we didn’t even talk like colleagues
we didn’t even really talk at all.

and I felt something in me just shift
i don’t know if i’m too broken to feel things break in me anymore
but i felt something shift in me 
something moved from it's original place
like a book that’s been moved from it's place on a shelf
like a Jane Austen being moved to the science fiction section
do you know what I mean?
something was out of place, something didn’t feel right
but like i said 
i am way too broken to know when things break in me
it might have been a vase falling from a pedestal,
a priceless Ming relic shattering into tiny irretrievable, irreplaceable pieces
it could have been, you know?
i don’t feel the shattering that I should feel
i am too broken for that.

i hope you’re happy
i hope you become content
i hope good things for you
i may be broken i am broken, doesn’t mean i don’t wish you well
so be happy
i hope you’re happy
cuz i can’t ask you that anymore
 so i really, really hope you’re happy.

j.

where we are now



It hits me at odd times.
In the middle of a sentence. That moment right before I fall asleep. Or while processing orders at work. That's when it hits. Right between my ribs, it hits, clenches and then slowly dissipates. That is now the definition of you in my life. Sometimes it hits harder than other times. Sometimes it makes me freeze for a moment or two. Like this morning while lining my lips. Or yesterday while saying my evening prayers. You hook in when my guards and wards are down. And I can't help but think during those moments how we got here. 
Then I become thankful to God for having made me cut the strings before now for if I hadn't, you wouldn't just come to me at odd times. You would haunt me like a ghost - all day, everyday.  

Soon you will mean nothing at all but for now, this is where we are. 

Garlic breath and all.

I refused to kiss my mother because she had garlic breath.

She takes one of those natural vitamin supplements and one of them has garlic in it. And i don't mean the deodorized ones. In her case, the more potent the odour, the better (and therefore more natural) it must be. Now to be honest she only takes it at night right before bed time and the kiss was a good night kiss and i hate the stench of garlic (though i love the taste of it in my food :p). Anyway, i just couldn't do it and so from across the room i wished her a good night and left.

I had taken not more than two steps from her door when i had this vision of a probable future where i wake up the next morning and find that i have lost my mother.. and my last memory of her was denying her a good night kiss because of her garlic breath. I went back in there and gave her a big smacking kiss and a hug for good measure. She gave me a questioning look and not being big on verbal expression, i didn't have the words and so i kissed her once again, smiled and left. This time walking out her door the probable future changed to something i could live with.

I am not ready to lose my mother and i don't think i ever will be. But i know it is an inevitability that one of us must depart before the other.

So momma of mine, my best friend, my biggest fan, in bed and asleep right now.. i want you to know that i love you, garlic breath and all.

Love,
J.
I have often wondered if, given a choice, a leopard would change its spots. 
Maybe we are the only ones making a fuss about it. 
The rain came on the third day.
Such a glorious blessing.
I will remember her as a brave, happy woman
because though she was absolutely and undeniably shattered,
she simply refused to drown.
We are human.
We become destructive when overwhelmed.
But I refuse to become a statistic.

Until further notice


Dear reader, 

Since the creation of Jasmine's Niche, I am saddened and ashamed to admit that this blog, Jasmine's Playground, has suffered great neglect. 

I am saddened by this because this blog has been there for me a great many times. But I am honest enough to admit that juggling two blogs, two Instagram accounts, two Facebook accounts means that I won't be as active on one. And in this case, Jasmine's Playground has suffered. I can't bear to see my bluebells drooping anymore so I've decided to lay Jasmine's Playground to rest.. For now. I won't delete the blog itself or turn the entries into drafts. I'll leave it as it is for that day when I hopefully return. In the meantime of course, Jasmine's Niche will be bursting with activity so please head over there now and show some love. 

Yours,
J. 

time and rhyme



I can feel the distance growing between us everyday 
It began on the day a promise you broke
Under the shade of leaves of oak.
And greater and greater the gap has grown
My rainbow morphed, into hues of grey and brown.
The warrior in me longs to arm up and fight
To slay this evil with all of my might.
With a sword, a bow or a rock
To break down all these walls of block.
To lay siege to everything they signify
And gain the battle scars that will testify.

I can hear the unstoppable wheels of time
Turning and turning, taking that which once was mine.
Soon you will forever be lost to these eyes that see
Sailing away on a different sea.
Maybe sometime for a fragment in space
To Jupiter we both will face.
Will you feel my presence then I wonder?
Where I am, will you ponder?
Like I most definitely would you.
Always, always you.

Now you are gradually fading from my thoughts
And Nature is running it's natural course.
First, love lives and then it dies
But when it's true, it never lies.
So if I should miss you once
Or twice
While doing the simplest of things
Well then know that my heart rings
Its half-muffled bell,
Our memory I could never sell
In remembrance of you.
Always and forever, you.


J.

i know this road


i have traveled this road before
i remember it all too well.
like the lines on the palm of my hands
i could never forget it
i recognize the landmarks
and the accompanying emotions
the loneliness
the sadness
the fear
i remember them all
we used to be bunk mates.

i have walked these streets before
this boulevard of broken dreams and empty frames
but never with You.
what an ignorant fool i have been
i should have reached out earlier
taken that one step to You that brings You ten steps closer to me.
but i am glad i found You
or that You found me
i do not know which it is
but i do know that walking this road with You
i am not afraid or lonely or sad
You shield me from all that
set me on the right path when i swerve
and light up all the dark places in my mind.

i know this road,
these grim murky insect-infected streets
i know them all too well.
but they have lost their power over me.

j.

speak now



i love you for your smile. i had to begin with that. you are one of those rare people whose smile makes me want to smile too. i love that being with you i feel and become a different person - a much lighter version of myself. a version that lives deep within protected by walls of cynism and nonchalance. you reveal the real me - the girl that lives within the woman.

i love you for your love of food. and abstract art. which sometimes i do not understand but would love for you to teach me. i love you enough that i want to show you my hometown. i want you to walk those streets i walked, see those sights i saw, hear those sounds i heard and smell those scents i smelt because you know who i am so i want to show you where i am from.

i love you for making me laugh. and blush. somehow only you can successfully accomplish the two simultaneously. i love that you inexplicably like to hear me sing. and that you used to watch me sleep. i love that i am comfortable enough around you to do both.

i love you for indulging my constant insanity and mood swings. for getting me a newly released harry potter book for my sixteenth birthday. i love you for your selflessness. i will forever love you for that night in '06 when you pulled me out of a dark place i hadnt even known i had stepped into. even then you saw what i did not. i can be slow like that. but you love me all the same.

i love that we can fight and make up. fighting is easy. making up takes patience, compromise and forgiveness. i learned all that with you.. and sooner or later you are going to have to forgive me for that one thing you still hold against me. even if i have to bribe you first.

i love you for your heart and mind. your courage and fears. your joy and pain. your strengths and weaknesses. you exasperate me with your occasional stubbornness and lewdness but after much thought i have realized that i would not have you any other way.

i love how you never give up on me. heaven knows i have given you more than enough reasons to, but you dont. you stay and have become a constant for me. i do not have words that can aptly express what that means to me. i want to see venice with you someday. you would appreciate the architecture and i will enjoy the ambiance. and shops of course.

i am telling you all this now because i do not know how much time we have left. i do not know if i will live to see tomorrow or even if you will. recent events have brought that home to me. and i do not want to take for granted this time that we are here now, together and well. 

i love you for being alive. because you were right when you said that my life would be much darker and lonelier without you in it. so do not leave me yet, okay?
i will continue writing  for you if you stay.

j.

the chainsaw song



Do you think anyone heard the sound of the chainsaw as it revved to life?
I am quite sure that no one did.
Because people don't seem able to hear the sound of a heart as it breaks
and shatters into uncountable, irretrievable pieces. 
I wonder if maybe it is a quiet affair. That the pain is such that there is no sound. 
Honestly I think that that absolute silence of a breaking heart is frightfully scary. 
Think about it, 
Nuclear bombs go off with a big bang and leave cities leveled while 
Bio-engineered gas can wipe out an entire country, silent as death.
The damage inflicted is inversely proportional to sound;
Plus what is it they say about empty barrels and loud noise? 

So no. No one heard the sound of the chainsaw. 
Or the silent cries of protest of the earth
As that lone sycamore tree..
Where once we carved our names and professed our undying love
Where we exchanged stories about dreams that no one else knew
Where you taught me to read the stars and constellations 
Where you laid your head on my lap and slept
Where I realized that you were a part of me I couldn't live without 
Where you told me you had to leave to chase those dreams of yours 
Where I offered to go with you
Where you told me you didn't want me to 
Where you left me, on the same ground where I let you make me yours
 .. Was felled and gone forever. 

Our silence gave way to the song of the chainsaw
And no one knew. 
And you had left so there was no one to tell them. 
And I was gone so i couldn't ask you to. 
And we were no more so they couldn't remember that we had ever been.

Not the tree.
Not you.
Not me.
 


J.

Would you bleed for love?


There is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which, rightly understood is solitude made perfect. 
- Robert Louis Stevenson.


Enjoy..
Love,
J.

I met a farmer


I took a trip to the farthest regions of the country
A place where no skyscrapers stood
And livestock still littered the front yard.
No smell of carbon monoxide tinted the air
And it was so quiet I could actually hear myself breathe.
Here, there were no immaculately manicured hedges
but rows and rows of tilled land.
In the midst of which was a sight that caught my eye.
Working so diligently,
Nursing the soil with so much patience and adoration,
I felt envious
He stood with his feet parted but
Planted firmly to the ground, hoe in hand
Under the raging sun
And I had but one thought: this was a man of the land.

He looked upon his land with pride.
I watched on transfixed,
As with the eye of one grown and bred on the land
He examined the skies above
Preempted the rain and made cover for his crops.
Each move was effective and measured
He wasted no movements.
The sun shone brighter and hotter
He stripped off his shirt and my, what a view!
The sweat on his brow, sliding down his shoulder and back
Pectoral muscles firm and rippling as he moved
He seemed oblivious to the simple fact that he had a body
That many movie stars would die for.
For him, this was just another day on the job
Continuing what his great-great grandfather had begun.
 He must have also been a master hypnotist
For I could not look away
Not for the life of me. 
And my hand itched for a pen.

If I were a painter
I would have put on canvas this man in his element.
Oil, not water.
This would be no simple portrait.
Nay! that would be a grave injustice.
To be truly seen, this is man has to be seen in motion.
And the almost predatory way he moved…
This was no doubt an alpha.
He would make for a very passionate lover.

If I were a sculptor
I would a make a model of the man,
Not from limestone or granite but marble.
I would replicate the fierce concentration on his face
Capturing not just every line of his physique
But also the breath and soul of the man.

If I were a composer,
I would have put Marianelli and Cortaza to shame.
And probably Vivaldi too.
For if the feelings currently swirling within me
Were ever to be heard by a people
They would be smothered by the sheer force of such emotion.

As a writer,
I should use eloquent words to describe to you
All the vast rising feelings that grew in me
As I watched this man of the earth…
My man of the earth.
But the moment he turned and our eyes met for the first time
Everything fell away, even the words.
He smiled a slow lazy smile and I knew...
I had gone and fallen in love with a farmer
In the middle of nowhere.

What next?


So with NYSC ended now, I have got to start applying for my internship. I told you about it somewhere here. It's an obligatory year where i get to train in all the four major labs: Chemical Pathology, Microbiology, Haematology and Histopathology. There's an exam afterwards of course.

I have decided to not do my internship at The Hospital Labs where i did my service. I mean, it was fun and i did learn a lot but if i returned there now, i would only be doing the same things i did in my specialist lab which is Chemical Pathology. I want another view point, more teachers and more experiences. I have seen a busy government hospital, now how about a clinic maybe?
We'll see.

While fending off the dreaded "what next" question from friends and family, i have for the mean time become a culinary student. It’s fun and it keeps me entertained. What more can i ask for?

End of an era


I didn't want to acknowledge it.. but i knew it was coming. I knew!! And it has.

**Spoiler alert!!**
 
Naruto has ended and I cried. Can you believe it? I CRIED!!!  He has a son.. Boruto. And a daughter. And he married the shy girl who has loved him forever whose name I can't remember right now in my wonder and hysteria. 

HE IS HOKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I didn't realize just how much my emotions were linked to this. Truly. Oh wow. I am so happy for him. I loved the justice that the author gave to it. I love it. I love it. And i appreciate it. So much. 

I am so happy and so sad at the same time. Conflicting emotions. But it's a generally good one, you know? There's a girl shown to shadow Bolt. Her origins aren't mentioned and i think it is sneaky of the author to do that. She has jet black hair, a serious look and girly hair style.. She is Sakura and Sasuke's daughter! She has to be - for they are the only ones not shown in this glimpse into the future. He (the author) leaves you to pick that up for yourself. Sneaky. Very sneaky. And very much appreciated. I can't explain it. As much as I would have loved to see the future Sasuke, they wouldn't have projected him well enough for me. Do you get it? This is so much better. Giving my imagination leave to do as it pleases. It's a gift really. Pooh. 

 Masashi Kishimoto.. Arigato! Truly.

Okay I'm done being a total nerd now. 
Really. ^.^
"The boy with the fox spirit sealed inside him was the son of the fourth Hokage. Now he is called the seventh Hokage."
- J. 

P.s.
Why is Straw Hat Luffy's pirate mark drawn on Naruto's forehead? As if they already know that "One Piece" is going to be my only solace now. 

remember, remember, the fifth of november


i do not know why this particular day has always called to me.. but it has.
so happy 5th of november to you.
may the ashes be only what is left of your oppressed sorrow.

i think i will celebrate by watching V for Vendetta for the fiftieth -or so- time.
it really is a great movie after all.



- J.

3:01am


 I was getting slowly irritated.
And it had everything to do with the blinding light coming from the gap between my curtains. Reluctantly I opened a single eye to glance at the clock on my bedside table. I saw the time and turned my head in the opposite direction to shield it from the penetrating light and go back to sleep.
About 10 seconds later I turned again to glance at the clock. It couldn’t have been right. The blasted thing must have stopped during the course of the night. I reached for my phone to check for the correct time and gasped. It read 3:00am. Just like my alarm clock had. Something must be wrong. I glanced at my window again and sure enough there was so much sunlight outside. I scuffled out of bed and pulled back the drapes. I had to blink a few times to adjust to the brightness. I would have predicted the time to be around noon, with the sun high in the sky. I turned on my laptop and there on my screen was the time tab. It also read 3:00am.

It was sunny outside at 3am. I tried to wrap my mind around that and couldn’t. Somehow all my time-telling equipment must have stopped for some reason. And then, as if to further spite me, the time on my clock changed. Now it read:

So it still worked obviously, it’s just malfunctioning. Okay. That made me feel better somehow except ten minutes later, and it still read the same time. And so did all my wristwatches and even the microwave. I conceded defeat then. I thought about the end of the world and silently sent a prayer up to God. I saw movement outside and realized that there were people moving about. I thought that I should probably go out myself and in the next moment, I was standing outside in the midst of a sea of people.

Okay, so I was dreaming. That explained everything and I began to relax a bit. I looked around me and noticed that the people weren’t walking at all. They were more of... drifting. Only then did I notice that only very few of them were fully clothed. Some were partially clothed and the rest, the majority, were stark naked. But no one seemed to notice or care. In fact no one seemed to be aware of anyone but themselves and they all had rather forlorn looks on their faces as if each one was wrapped in his own nightmare.  I thought to myself that though it was such a bright and sunny day, it brought no hope whatsoever to these people and briefly, I wondered if I looked the same.

I felt the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stand and quickly whirled around. My fear and unease were back. Something was not right, as if the lack of night wasn’t bad enough. Suddenly I was completely panicked. I needed to escape this place where everything was so terribly wrong. I looked about but there was just an huge expanse of land. No buildings, roads or trees for that matter. Nothing – just space. The building I must have been in at first was nowhere to be seen. I cursed myself for ever leaving it in the first place.

Okay, I am most definitely dreaming. But I have had enough and want to wake up now. I tried everything but nothing worked. I shut my eyes for a long time and opened them to the still very bright dimension. I was getting more frightened by the second. Faintly I began to see pictures of people drift through my mind. There was a very beautiful woman in the arms of a handsome man with quiet eyes. Then I saw a young boy who looked like his mother (I have no idea how I knew that but I did) and a little girl who held his hand trustingly. She was his sister and they were a family. On that thought, they all smiled at me and as they did, a sharp light emitted from each of them in parallels towards me. It was a link. A bond. Somehow I was bound to these people. I felt a little less afraid and just like they had suddenly appeared, they disappeared.

I glanced at the wristwatch I couldn’t remember putting on. It read 3:01am. Time still hadn’t moved since I left the safety of my room. I didn’t need a genius to tell me that I wasn’t on campus anymore. I realized that I'd been standing in the same spot for a while now and some instinct to move overcame me, so I started walking forward in the hope that I’d find something or someone. But as I walked, more images flirted through my mind. Some, like the family I’d seen earlier threw bright lights in my direction and others just went by. The faster I walked, the faster the images got until I couldn’t really see anything at all. The blur of images were moving away from me and all I could do was watch. It was like looking out of the window of a car moving at a thousand kilometers per hour; I couldn’t keep up and my head was starting to really hurt.
Then blank!
It was all gone… and I was on the floor, out of breath. I began taking deep breaths and found that I was sweating profusely. It felt like I’d been running but I couldn’t remember doing so. I also noticed that I wasn’t where I'd been anymore. Now there was just darkness and I was scared of the dark too. I don’t know how but I just knew that. It just popped into my head like a thought that wasn’t mine. Still panting, I put my hand over my chest to slow my heart rhythm and caught at something. There was a chain around my neck. I pulled at it trying to take it off but it wouldn’t budge so I gave up and fell back to the ground, exhausted. Then a faint glow hit the back of my eyelids. I didn’t want to open my eyes out of fear of what I might see. I was tired of this alternate dimension, all I wanted was to go home. Home? H.O.M.E! It was weird. I found that even though I didn’t know what or where that was I liked the sound of it. The glow got brighter as if ordering me to open my eyes. I peeped and saw that the light was coming from me, more accurately, from the chain around my neck. I held it up and could clearly see 10 pendants on it. There was a fairy with pink wings, a gold heart, a crown, a key, a 4-leaf clover, the letters ”J” and “A”, a strange symbol I didn’t recognize and an engraved double-sided locket. The engraving read: Home – where the heart lies!
I opened the locket and inside were two pictures. One of that family of four I’d seen earlier and the other of three youngsters – a boy and two girls. One of the girls had both her arms around the other two. She had a teasing smile on – she was happy. I felt my eyes sting and then a drop of liquid fell from it and rolled down my face. I traced the engraving on the locket and felt another liquid drop roll down.
“Tears.”
The word was spoken into my head but instantly I knew what it meant. I was crying! Whatever that meant. I touched the “J” pendant and wondered what it stood for.
“Your name.”
Again the words were spoken into my head. Name? It made me wonder... What is my name?

A third drop slid down my face and landed on the smiling faces in the locket. On contact, the word “Jasmine” was called out. Instinctively I turned around and behind me stood a little girl with attractive eyes. She had her hair pulled back in two ponytails and she was smiling at me. I got off the floor and stood too. I knew not who she was but I felt awkward. Those eyes of hers seemed like they could see right through my very soul. I tried to look elsewhere but it was still dark all around with the only light spot being where she stood, watching me. I looked back at her, our eyes met and for a second I would have sworn that those eyes were laughing at me. She knew I was discomforted but she just kept studying me like I was on exhibition at the museum. I wondered what she was waiting for and absently reached for my chain to hold on to it. I saw her eyes follow the movement and saw that she also had her own hand in the same position. On closer inspection I saw that she also had a chain around her neck. The gesture looked so natural to her... almost like she was concentrating where I was nervous. Silently she took down her hand and I saw that we wore identical necklaces, down to the very last pendant. I was bewildered but strangely comforted that we had something in common. I looked at her again. She was taking in my reaction.
I didn’t know how old I was but the girl before me looked about 8. Were we friends? Who was she? Would she answer if I asked? I caught movement and refocused on her. She nodded as if answering a question and in my head I heard the word “Jasmine” again. Wait, not a word but a name. I looked at her and saw that the name suited her. It was her name wasn’t it? It must be. I was confident of that. So hers was the voice in my head… one mystery solved! She looked down at her necklace and linked her finger with the chain, making the “J” pendant shine brightly in the partial darkness. And I instantly understood. J for Jasmine.
I picked up the “A” pendant to ask her what it meant but my hand accidentally brushed against the locket and it felt hot. It bothered me, so I reopened it expecting to see the 7 faces I knew were there but instead I saw a moving hologram. Or at least that’s what I thought it was. The family from before were still sitting on the couch like they had been but now there was a fifth figure. Female. She seemed to be urging them all to sit still. She held a small device I didn’t recognize in her hand. Firmly, she got them all in place and lifted the device and focused on them. A flash followed.  Glancing down at the product she saw that the two children had stuck out their tongues at the last moment and ruined her picture. Somehow it made me feel warm inside. She grumbled and urged them to behave and tried again. She seemed satisfied this time. I looked at what she held and saw that the image was identical to the one in my locket. She turned around then and I saw her face for the first time. She looked familiar but before I could remember where I’d seen her before the scene changed. Now I could see what looked like a bridge and there were three backs turned to me. One of which was basically jumping up and down like an over-energetic child. I felt and shared her excitement as I watched. She turned around then and I recognized her. She was the girl from the previous hologram! She gave her small device – (no, camera. Now I remember what it is) – to a passerby flashing him a watt-full smile and politely asked him to take a picture of her and her friends. A flash went off and again, the picture was identical to that of the three youngsters from the second image in the pendant. 

The pendant returned to the way it was before with the images unmoving. I realized that I had just seen the moments just before each of the pictures had been taken. These were someone’s memories. Mine? The bright bond-lights emitted from the images and shot out to me. Like before I knew I was bound to them and it made me feel good. Strong even. I saw Jasmine watching me with a smile. She shut her eyes and from within her another light shone. I knew before the beam reached me that she was unlike all the rest. She was bound to me deeper than them all. Once her light hit me, she opened her eyes… and winked! Then right before my eyes, she morphed. I couldn’t breathe or move because all 8 bond lights kept me in place. One moment I was looking at a little girl with pigtails and the next a young woman stood in her place. She had the same eyes as Jasmine – eyes that saw! The young lady was unmistakably an older version of Jasmine and more importantly, she was also the girl in the locket. I wondered if perhaps she was my daughter and I heard her laughter in my head. She put both her hands on my shoulders and held on. We stood there about the same height, faces at level and I looked into her eyes and I saw. 

She was me. Or I was her. We were the same. One! Through her hands on my arms I felt, saw, tasted… and remembered everything.

I had lost my way. Stepped into a world where dignity, loyalty and honesty weren’t worn. A cursed world where every minute was exactly like the one before and after it. Nothing and no one changed. Stale. Stagnant. So essentially time had remained the same. Unmoving. Unchanging.

The bonds I had made in my earlier life had found me. The girl I used to be had found me in the darkness brought me the light. When I had unwittingly left home, home had found me and brought me back. 

As I realized this, I sat up in my bed and instantly glanced at the clock. It read - 03:01am.


- J.
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