Fear,
just like shazam
When they fight like this it makes me feel like a child again. Helpless and afraid. Tonight I shook with the fear of it because I swear I thought he was going to hit her. I already heard the sound of it in my head and the pain in my heart. All the while she threatened him back with the knife she held and swore that if he ever hit her again, it would be the last thing he ever did. And all the while I cuddled under the stairs like a child afraid to look, afraid to see, afraid to make even the barest of sounds less I push one of them into fulfilling their threat. She shouts out some harsh words, he threatens to leave and I can't stop shaking.
I hear my little sister coming down the stairs, she's holding a plate with a cake slice from her recently celebrated 14th birthday. And all I think is that I have to protect her from this. So I wipe away my tears and and stall her by sending her back up the stairs. She doesn't deserve to have her picture perfect idealism tainted. It will happen eventually. But not today. Not on my watch. Protecting my siblings is a source of strength for me. And protect them I will. So I leave the staircase, feel myself changing from age 8 back to age 24 and I do the only useful thing that I can do: pray.
They didn't do it. He didn't hit her and she didn't stab him. Not today anyway. But the root of my fear is in the day when any one of these threats is carried out. Will I lose a parent or both?
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