Day,

Not defined by numbers

December 09, 2022 J. 0 Comments


I do not want my life,
my level of happiness and fulfilment,
or even my moods to be determined by numbers.

Not the number on the scale or
my bank account or 
the years i have lived or
the time i have left or 
the number of followers and subscribers or
of business sales, ad clicks and balance sheets.

These are numbers that i will have to come across in the course of my life 
and damn right i will work hard for some of them 
so i can live the kind of life i want
so i can eat good food, get medical aid, pay for knowledge, help others and travel.

But in no way do i want these numbers to become my definition. Not even close. 

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Lines

Mr Tolle again

December 01, 2022 J. 0 Comments


“Whatever the present moment contains, accept is as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” 
- Eckhart Tolle

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Archives

35991130

November 30, 2022 J. 0 Comments


He thinks I’ve forgotten it all. He doesn’t know the number of beats my heart skipped whenever I saw those numbers flashing on my screen calling.

I never took it for granted. Maybe I should have told him when it mattered. 

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

Nox

November 27, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Do you ever just marvel at the wonder of life and all it entails?

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Day,

Lumen

November 27, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Do you ever just get exhausted with life and all it entails?

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡


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Archives

Shey na juju be this?

November 24, 2022 J. 0 Comments


How can I miss you after I just saw you? 
How can you linger on my mind like a broken record?
Or those awful supermarket jingles?
Why does my heart keep imprints of the places where you touched it? 
How can I want you this badly even after all this time? 
What exactly have you done to me?

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

*Shey na juju be this? = Isn’t this black magic? (Pidgin English)

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Lessons

Shades of grey

November 17, 2022 J. 0 Comments


You see, we are not just simply black or white 
Sorry love, it is not that easy. 
We humans are complicated 
We are varying shades of grey. 
All of us. 
From the pious to the most depraved. 

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Day,

to my Saviour

November 11, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Thank You
Thank You 
Thank You
It is everything i want to say
and yet it is barely enough.

Thank You.

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

How?

November 05, 2022 J. 0 Comments


And when you asked me why I don’t come to you on my dark days.

I couldn’t understand it. 


How could I explain to you that I didn’t know how?


Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

A light lost to time

November 01, 2022 J. 0 Comments


You know I’ve often wondered if anyone would notice.
If there would be any kind of memorial for that piece of my soul i would give up to become Serenity.
Would the ones who knew her before mourn the loss of her light?
Her naivety? Her almost childlike wonder of the world around her?
Would they even notice? And if they did, would they shrug it off as expected?
Would they sigh in relief that she had finally “grown up”?
When she makes new friends and meets new acquaintances
Will they tell them about the light they had missed?
Would they lament over it
And cherish they memories of she who had been lost to time?

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Musings

A crown of flowers

October 26, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Imagine if rather than snakes, 
Medusa had flowers in her hair. 
Now wouldn’t that be something?

Juicy Raindrops! ♡


0 comments:

Story

A measure of affection

October 24, 2022 J. 0 Comments


The first time he told me he loved 
I laughed.
He couldn’t be serious.
We had met just a short while ago
We didn’t know each other enough
It was way too fast
How could it be real?

I was 21
I believed that for love to be real and true
He had to know my favourite colour
How many siblings I had
Or at least where my hometown was
So I rejected his affections
So we could know each other more
Now that I think about it
that was when the twinge began.

I watched him wait
I watched him give up
That twinge grew into an ache
I couldn’t understand it
I had made this decision 
And I knew it was the right one
So why was I feeling this way?

It would take a handful of years
When I was much older and a little wiser
For me to consider that maybe I had it wrong after all
What did the duration of time matter in the grand scheme of things?
What did my favourite colour have to do with who I was?
What did knowing the size of my family or the land my ancestors came from 
have to do with the depth or truth of our relationship? 
Where did I even get these parameters from?
How did I learn to use them as a way of measuring affection?

He knows my faith, he knows how to make me laugh 
and he sits with me in favourite spot everyday. 
Aren’t those things better and more important 
than my love for mostly pink but sometimes red?

I don’t know yet truly. I don't have the big answer.
I’m just writing these thoughts down as I have them..

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

Inspired by a conversation with Ahsia.

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Night,

Jasmine of Diana

October 22, 2022 J. 0 Comments


I am the daughter of the moon
Jasmine of Diana 
Birth’d of sea foam and pollen 
carried on the tail wind of Boreas of the North.

I was created a wee thing
Amorphous; soft and vulnerable.
Like a sponge i absorbed all i came across.
Light, love, air and darkness.

While the light filled me, the darkness seduced me
So I wrapped my soul around them both and created a cocoon.
I found form in my chrysalis
And burst forth as Serenity. 


Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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Night,

Items in mirrors are closer than they appear.

October 20, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Looking at the past through the rear view mirror
It’s been a decade
I have written all the goodbyes and all the fare-the-wells
But my heartstrings have refused to get the memo
They still wrap around the ghost of you 
Even the shadow of you is long gone
And yet
Yet
The truth is 
Items in mirrors are closer than they appear

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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Day,

about truth

October 17, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Ethics may change,
Clans, seasons and beliefs will change too.
People will change, and their moral codes with them

But truth, truth will remain the same
A shiny sparkling pearl 
No matter how deep it is buried and how much mud is thrown at it.

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

0 comments:

Musings

For as long as you love me

October 16, 2022 J. 0 Comments


You wasted so much time worrying about him
About the times he would call and the way he would look at me.
You worried that we were friends and that he would sway my heart away from you.

You didn’t understand that while you loved me, 
No one could take me away from you.
While you loved me, I was yours. 
And as long as you loved me, that remained true. 

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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Four

Four

October 15, 2022 J. 0 Comments


As he died and flashed back on this life, he thought
“I no longer remember what I worked so hard for.”

And as i watched him bleed out
This fierce, misguided and somewhat evil man
I realised that i didn’t want that to be my last thought in this life
For whatever i had lived my life for to be revealed as worthless 
as my soul leaves my body and returns to the earth
as my final breaths begin to count down to the last.

Maybe this is all the Four’s* typical search for meaning again 
But it is still my truth.

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 Juicy Raindrops! ♡

*Type 4 Enneagram

0 comments:

Musings

What a thought!

October 14, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Here’s a grating thought 
An outrageous, heartbreaking and humbling thought.

All our history, our music, our chemistry.
All the twos and sevens 
All the guiding stars, wandering hands and malteasers
All the poetry
All the songs
All the Something Bigs

All those moments that seemed like the weaving of our tale
The building of our universe
The starting chapters of our lives
Chronicling the way we met
The way it changed
The way it grew
The way we learned
Our struggles, longing and undeniable attraction
How our souls seemed to exist on the same plane
How our waltz was sung by nature herself
That red thread connecting us forevermore 
We were one destiny that I believed in
One I would have laid my sword down before.

Yet.

All that we were
All that we could have been
The entirety of us
is simply a footnote in two separate biographies.

A grating, outrageous, heartbreaking and humbling thought indeed.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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0 comments:

Experiences,

Despite you, without condition

October 12, 2022 J. 0 Comments


I don’t mind making you feel good 
Or wiping your tears,
They hurt me almost as much as they hurt you
I wanted to absorb them from you 
To take my share of happiness and give it up in exchange for your sorrows.

I didn’t mind being there for you
Defending you 
Even apologising for you 
I never minded.

Even when it got really hard
Even when you didn’t make it easy 
Even when you lashed out at me 
Even when I got hurt and frustrated 
Even when you never acknowledged it 
Or me.

I tried to walk away but my legs wouldn’t move
Due to a small fact I realised long ago
Today I immortalise the words by
releasing them into the cosmos and giving them (more) power: 

Mother Dearest, I love you.
Despite you. 
Without condition. 

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

0 comments:

Experiences

Unwritten

September 29, 2022 J. 0 Comments

You know I don't change what people think of me? I let them believe whatever the hell it is that they want. I think that if you got twenty people who I'm acquainted with in one room and had each one tell you who Jas is, you'll get 20 different answers. I don't bother changing the way people perceive me. Even when I am aware that they are totally wrong.

The first and biggest mistake they make is thinking that I'm normal. 
Or weird in the traditional way. 
Or even something that they've ever seen before.

I am none of those things.
I am not one thing.
Perhaps not even one person.
🌾
Shrug.

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

0 comments:

Experiences,

As man forgets

September 25, 2022 J. 0 Comments


I know that man forgets.
I know this. 
But has it really been so long now that the veneer has worn off completely?
Is that why I can get kicked down today for my inability?
As if I wouldn’t if I could.
As if I didn’t when I could. 

I know that man forgets, but did you ever see me at all?
All those times when you didn’t even have to ask.
I don’t remember all the times myself
because it was never a tally 
It was that I would do many things for you 
And so I did.

But alas you’ve forgotten now as men tend to.
And I do know that man forgets 
I just wish that your words hadn’t felt like claws 
being scraped incessantly against on a wall.

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Lessons

What you see is your reflection.

September 22, 2022 J. 0 Comments


If what we see when we look at others is a reflection of ourselves
then it means that other people are essentially mirrors.

So that person that you think is arrogant, stuck up and likes to flaunt their wealth? 
The one with no sense of self worth and falls for all kinds of schemes and tricks?
The one who is just plain lazy yet unbelievably lucky?
The one who is just an a**-kisser and sticks their nose in everyone's business?

They are all your perceptions. 
Your view through the looking glass. 

It is not their reality.

Beware that you don’t judge others by projecting your insecurities on them.  

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Night,

It's okay not to be okay.

September 13, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Everything inspires me and yet few things do. This movie inspired me to write. 
And that’s something I do not take for granted.
It really is okay to not be okay. 


Juicy Raindrops! ♡

0 comments:

Experiences,

August

September 07, 2022 J. 0 Comments


For many years I hated August
I thought it came around to test me in ways I did not want to be tested 
To challenge the boundaries of my sanity
And leave bloody fingerprints on the walls of my sanctuary.
I have had my heart broken in August, twice
My turbulent love waltz began in August all those years ago
And in true form crumbled in another August almost a decade later.

A lot of huge (unpleasant) changes in my life have occurred in August
Changes i didn't like or want
Changes that demanded more from me than i was willing to give
Changes that forced me out of my comfort zone
Changes that left me broken on the bathroom floor 
Trying to glue myself back together 
Yeah, I definitely hated August.

But this August, 
The thirty-first one I have experienced, came with a realisation.
August does not come to break and torment me 
It comes to transform and rebuild me
and transformation is never pretty.

Here’s to this August.
The first one I have ever liked not hated.


Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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Day,

love.

September 02, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Go ahead and do it. 
Fully, completely. 

Trust that should you fall, 
I will lift you.
Should you break,
I will fix you. 
Trust me. 
Go ahead and love. 
I’m here for you. 

0335-311221
Juicy Raindrops! ♡

0 comments:

Night,

Live.. i dare you!

August 31, 2022 J. 0 Comments


It simply popped into my head of out seemingly no where on a regular Friday evening while I was in the studio. The thought that I don't reach for what I want. That living this cautious life was fine and dandy but regret was a pill that remained bitter even after the initial taste. 

I am 30 years old. I have made several choices in my life. And many I would make over and over again. Some though, until recently, until this thought - I believed I would make again but I know that to be false now. I loved and lived cautiously. I never dared! And on those brief occasions when I dipped my little toe into the sea of life and felt the cold I snatched it right back and fell into the warm safety of my shell. 

Cocooned, familiar and safe. Watching from within the safe confines for my own pre-arranged boundaries. But it was such a limited view. What about the whip of the fresh sea breeze in my hair, on my face? What about the feel of the sand between my toes and that of the ocean as it reaches it waves and wraps them around my ankles drawing me into itself? The warmth of the sun as it shines and the comfort of the rain as it falls and drenches every part of me. 

I don’t want to live in a shell anymore. I want to dare. To not make decisions from a place of fear, desolation and loneliness. I am the fucking Sun and Moon. All at once and all the time. I will not shrink. I will not be meek. I will not be speechless. 

No longer.

Go on Jas, live boldly. I dare you!

 Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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0 comments:

Night,

Not really yours but yours for a time.

August 22, 2022 J. 0 Comments

"What is yours can’t be taken away"
That's what you believe. 

The truth is:
What is yours can be taken away if you mistreat it.
What is yours can change its mind.
What is yours can choose to belong to another 
What is yours might have requirements you cannot provide. 

All that you think is yours is borrowed.
Transient. 
Temporary. 

Because this whole journey is ephemeral.
Remember that.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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0 comments:

Day,

Live your choice

August 19, 2022 J. 0 Comments

Do not live the kind of life you’d be ashamed of. Something you’re scared to have exposed or that can be used to blackmail you.

Live the kind of life you would be proud to declare loudly. It might not be the smoothest or the prettiest but it would be filled with your truth. Heart, soul and truth.

Yes there is consequence but don’t mistake fear for caution. They are not the same. Dare to live. Dare to speak your truth. Dare to take up room. 

Also, dare to be silent if you choose. Dare to be massless like air. It is a form of living too.

Life therefore is what you decide. Change your mind as often as you need. We are not built to be static and stagnant. Life is too short for that. We are in constant motion, a state of constant flux. We all are. Know thyself first. Through all your seasons and changes. Explore, learn, know.

Learn to see people for who and what they are today and now. Learn them again if they matter. Just as they will learn you again and again if it matters to them.

Some are incapable of this relearning process. They don’t even know that such a thing exists. And they may be people that are close enough to you to matter. Since you know this about them already and they matter enough, do not take it all to heart - especially when they throw blades and kunai knives at you. 

It’s okay, breathe.

You decide what you take in, what you absorb. You can say no. You can choose no.
I’ll remind you again, life is what you decide - so live your choice

Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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0 comments:

Lines

Quoted

August 18, 2022 J. 0 Comments

“I am a sensible man.
 If I have to, I always do it myself. 
But for the things that aren’t my business, 
I won’t meddle in.” 

 - Nie Huaisang (Episode 50) - The Untamed (Netflix)

Juicy Raindrops! ♡ 

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Archives

Confetti

March 18, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Yes, there is unmistakable beauty in the bloom. One that everyone can recognise. 
But there is also beauty in the fall. 
In my mind, the falling petals are like confetti. 
It is a celebration of a life lived. 

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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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Archives

The balloon man

March 10, 2022 J. 0 Comments


Should I be punished for reaching out to love with trembling, greedy hands? 
Is my innocence any different from that of a child who reaches out to the balloon man? 

Photo: The Balloon Merchant by Brassai, Paris 1931
Juicy Raindrops! ♡
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