Juicy Raindrops

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I promised you pictures, you get pictures..

Notice the missing cherry? That was me!

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

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i think i'm in a mood.. but anyway, it's sunday! it means that:

my eid break and dinner are both over and done with. (i promise you pictures!)
the last of my weekend guests have left and i have my solitude back.
i am so very tired and have a crick in my neck from sleeping on the couch.
my soles hurt like hell from standing (first, when i was cooking then when i was hosting).
it means that i should be feeling rather blessed and fulfilled right about now.

but, it also means that:

i haven't picked up a book or done anything remotely academic since thursday morning.
i have let some work begin to pile up. (i use "begin" here charitably).
i am so gonna be screwed over the next couple of weeks if i do not bring my A-game.

in conclusion, today's being sunday (for me) equals:

an end (of any so-called 'free' time), and
a beginning (of mad, crazy, 24/7, beast-of-burden, belt-tightened, socks pulled up, migraine-inducing and sometimes even crying jag-inducing work). exactly what Pappi pays my tuition fees for!

so there is no reason whatsoever why i should be panicked, is there? i mean it is only my final year and possible future after all. no big deal!

yup, definitely in a mood, wouldn't you say?

Juicy Raindrops! ♡

..

I just weighed in.. and i have lost 1kg!! :) This put me in a good enough mood to write.

This week has been filled with a whole lot of minute annoyances; the worst was when my shower suddenly started leaking, swamping my toilet and even ruining the ceiling of the apartment below mine. *sigh* like i said, little annoyances.

but, i hung in there. my 'whatever works' philosophy seems to be working for me just fine. oh, Lola's coming over today and my annual eid dinner is tomorrow. :) the guest list at the moment comprises of about 33 people. i don't mind cooking for that many people especially since this could be my last one in braddie. ("could be" because i still don't know what my future holds).. i don't mind though. things tend to fall into place at their own pace. for me, anyway.

yup, i am going to be just fine.

EID MUBARAK MY LOVELY READERS!!!

May we live to see many more.

Juicy Raindrops! ♡


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Did you know about this?

I only just found out and i haven't yet decided how i feel about it. i (really, really, REALLY) love me some Tony Stark, but a third one? isn't that pushing it just a little too much? and another Thor too?

*shrug*

i don't know man, and i don't care. what i do know is that come 2013 - May (Iron Man) and November (Thor) - i am gonna watch me some Marvel superhero action, whether it sucks or not! {Plus i hear Iron Man has a new armor which was displayed at this year's comic-con}

Release dates:

Iron Man 3 (May 3, 2013)
Thor: The Dark World (November 8, 2013)

Also, coming in 2014...


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Juicy Raindrops! ♡

i thought i'd done this earlier but apparently not. for that i apologize.

Haywire: appealing trailer, rubbish movie. and believe that it does pain me to say this because i usually love Antonio Banderas' movies. i felt ripped off at the end of it all. the only saving grace was that i watched Man On A Ledge immediately afterwards and that soothed me. it was a great movie - just as i thought it'd be.

Ghost Rider 2: hmm.. it was weird. he turned into an angel of vengeance and well, i don't know. it wasn't for me. but the stunts were really good.

Safe House: it was AWESOME! it's like my 2012 version of 'Fast Five'. (remember how hyped i was by that movie too?). i had every one of my friends watch it too. yes, i thought it was that good. would watch it again!

Underworld Awakening: it was a good movie. though, i hyped it so much that i was almost just a little bit disappointed. but no, it was good. and the fights were fierce. it had a to-be-continued ending. {in bin2's words, "david o' david!"}

John Carter was very Star Wars/avatar-ish but i still loved it. plus it had a twist in the end which i appreciated. just make sure you watch it in 3D - it was a great experience!

Mirror, Mirror: worst version of snow white i have ever seen. *shrug*

Snow White and The Huntsman: why? i really, really expected more.

The Hunger Games: so i didn't read the book beforehand but well, i do not know. it showed imagination on the part of the author and the movie producers did a good job of it. it moved me, but there was something else i can't quite put my finger on.

Think Like A Man: now that was a funny film.. but romantic too. i liked it.

Avengers Assemble: you can't go wrong with that many Marvel superheroes.. but they very almost did. i mean, between Loki's return and his control over Hawk-eye.. *sigh* i simply focused on screaming my lungs out whenever Iron Man came on! *wink*

Men In Black 3: there were funny bits.. and there was a moment or two when i thought, wtf? but it was good all-in-all.

Taken 2: i love me some Liam but i have to say no to this one. could've been so much better.

Wrath Of The Titans: i looked forward to this so much so that i went to see it the day it was released in cinemas. Zeus and Hades made up and then died. that is all i have to say.

Battleship: Another Liam movie. now, this one was more like it. loved it!

Regrettably i have yet to watch Spiderman, Dark Knight and This means war. Will remedy that soon.

**G.I Joe 2: Retaliation release date is in March, 2013.

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

..

it seems like i'm always on one sort of diet or the the other, doesn't it? but that really isn't the case.. or not particularly anyway. i have very strong discipline when it comes to all aspects of my life.. but not this one. it depresses me that i can't just lose the damn weight and keep it off. the digits on the scale keep laughing at me.

anyway, i'm going to try it, this one last time and see how it goes - except this time, no 'fancy' diet. no lemonade, no cayenne pepper, no supplements, no nothing. i'm only going to cut my rations and eat healthy. everything in moderation, yes?

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i am supposed to write down - honestly - why i want to do this. the truth has only very little to do with BMI's and high BP's anymore. i just want to feel like myself again. i'm not trying to turn into a stick figurine, i just want comfort - well, more comfort anyway. i love my body, it's the muffin top that gives me nightmares. (you know that muffin top, yea? i hate it!)

anyway, i aim to lose between 0.5-1kg per week. that's within a healthy range, no? i'll keep at it for 60 days, by the end of which i should have lost about 8kg (hopefully).

*see new page 'next 60 days' to track my progress.

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

...

I have started this particular piece more times than i care to count. every time i think it is time for a curtain call, something happens that shifts it all a different way. just to off-set my balance. but then that has always been your effect on me too, hasn't it?

you let me fool myself into thinking that we have found some pattern, reached some sort of equilibrium, then you yank the rug from under my feet. i'm always almost just about gaining that understanding of what and how we are when you blow in like Katherina leaving nothing but pain and destruction in your wake.

fine.

maybe that last line was a bit of an exaggeration. but it is the way you make me feel. you push me over the end so i have only you to hold on to. and does it make any kind of sense to grab onto the same force that is trying to destroy you? i mean, that is like running into a hurricane to escape it.

wait.

i have heard before that the eye of a hurricane is its calmest part.

damn.

see? this is exactly what i'm talking about. the kind of confusion and unpredictablility that i do not need.

so.

this is it. the last one. there will be no other after this. kalas! shikenan!

the end.

(or is it..?)

shut up.

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

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The Book With No Name

The Eye of The Moon

The Devil's Graveyard

So over the course of summer, i read these three books by an anonymous author. My mother insisted they were good, so i gave them a shot.

What my mother should have said was, they are AWESOME!! The author mixes imagination and humor perfectly, i believe. It is so well written and i was impressed through every page! I haven't been this impressed by a book since ... (Let me get back to you on that).

So Mr. Anonymous*, i wait for the day when you decide to reveal yourself.. I will wait in line for you to sign all of my books, but for now, a fourth book would be nice. I need some more Bourbon Kid in my life! :)

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

*i can't be sure of the gender of the author of course, but i'm leaning towards Mr.

After my depression bout, i kinda-sorta fell into the books. no, not academic books (of course), i meant novels. ha, ha! you should know me better.

I read a couple of M&B's and i have to say, they don't make them the way they used to. especially the historical romance. they used to make my toes curl. i used to have a novel in one hand while stirring the pot with the other hand. yes, they used to be that good. but now i just flip through the pages. *sigh* anyway i am not here to criticize.

I let Bin2 talk me into going for a toga frat party. yes, i wore a toga (made out of bedsheets), but it did look really good with the gold accessories. what i aimed for was an Athena-kinda look and i believe i hit that. anyway the party itself wasn't as terrible as i thought it'd be. i boogied (do people still say that?) and well, it helped me loosen up. i spent the entire weekend eating junk and sleeping. no cares, no worries. this made for a very good comeback on monday morning. ironic, isn't it?

anyway, i am back on track AND studying too (yes, now i mean academics). year 3 is mostly self-directed study, which to be honest, suits me just fine. i get to decide my own schedule rather than have knowledge shoved down my throat. i appreciate that, but it also means that i have to start deciding/working on what i want to Master in. i still don't know yet, to be honest. but hey, we'll see what happens.

by the way, did you watch the presidential debate last night? i saw a replay this morning. i am no political expert or anything so i'll keep my opinions to myself *zip* but i'll say one thing, i'm still rooting for Obama.

can i use this opportunity to thank my readers? i know you can't leave comments because I turned off the feature, but i know you're there.. even when i am not making a lick of sense. thank you! i love you for taking the time out. :)

AND ..

because this is my 100th post, i'm gonna do something totally out of the blue like share with you a picture of my Athena look for the toga party.. (yes, i'm very nice).

p.s - if what you can see is a depiction of the real Athena, then you must have missed the photo viewing. maybe next time?

thank you again for stopping by..

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

So i'd like to believe that we now know each other well enough to admit some brutal, painful truths. Like the fact that i am a complete masochist, repeatedly throwing myself in the line of fire. *sigh*

I had a dream about Ray last night. I won't get into the details of it, but i don't need psychic powers to know why i did. i'd been sad.. so i simply fell back to the old and familiar.

I'll get past this bad habit that i have of doing so. I know i will. Give me time.

The tears didn’t fall that night. I didn’t push them. But now I can feel them trailing down my face… Finally!


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"Friendship is an involuntary reflex." - Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother)

So i'm sitting here staring at my screen and trying desperately to think of words that can accurately or even moderately explain the way that i'm feeling right now.. HIMYM is showing on the TV and that's when i hear the quote above. It made me smile because you see, part of what i'd been obsessing about was my friendship with Lola.

We are in different cities and therefore have made new friends. We've been having a lot tension of late. Don't misunderstand me. I love my new friends and Lola and i, we go way back.. but we have been slowly but surely losing each other. Our ability to talk with or without words is fading. It has been so for a while if i'm honest.

When i saw that i couldn't save us and also couldn't be friends with her friends, i accepted what i considered to be the inevitable. I didn't try anymore. And when i noticed that she was trying too, i didn't budge because why delay the inevitable, yeah?

I can be a huge drama queen but my feelings still remain - no matter under how many layers i hide them.

That i didn't do anything didn't mean that i didn't care. I was simply, in my own twisted way, protecting myself from the hurt that i knew would follow. Cutting off the strings on my own terms.

Yeah, i know it was awfully foolish of me NOW, but 2 months ago, it made a whole lot of sense. Like i keep stressing, i am not perfect. Not even close.

Anyway.

What i understand from the this one episode of HIMYM is that you can't dictate the rules of true friendship. It's either there, or it isn't. You can try to save it when it's on the rocks, i guess but you can only do so much.. the rest is an involuntary reflex - just like a cat coughing up a fur ball.

I get that now. So, i won't obsess about it so much anymore. It either will be, or it won't.. either way, Day will overtake Night, only to be overtaken itself. That is the way of the world.

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

N.B
Happy Independence Day Nigeria!

I have been holding back the tears for over a week now. A strong woman isn’t one that cries over everything that goes wrong. No, that isn’t she. That isn’t me. A strong woman is one who stands up and dusts herself up. That was what I did.

I didn’t cry even when all the things I’d been planning to make my journey as easy and bearable as it could be fell through. I adjusted instead. Adapted.

Then the tears threatened to fall during my conversation with Lola. Then there was Rado. It brought it all to the surface. And then there was Kuchi. *sigh*

I refuse to dwell on things I cannot change. Summer is over and I am back in Braddie. Time has moved forward and so have I. I could’ve done things better, I know that now but judging me and passing remarks about me isn’t going to make me apologize and/or explain myself. Ironically, it’ll only make me shut up more.

Yes, I don’t call and text everyone every minute of every day. But those that bother to do me, I do them. And as long as they’re confident in the fact that I’ll always be there when the tides turn for them, then I think that is enough. I play my part and do a damn good job of it too.

This is just who I am. I do better on my own. People are fickle and undependable. I depend on me. I’ll need a very good reason to change my beliefs.

I am not consciously stopping the tears you know. I actually do want to cry now so I can release the pressure in my head and chest. Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep. But this heart of mine is proving its stubbornness. It refuses to expose that much emotion even in the darkness and privacy of my own room.

I stood outside the balcony and watched the solitary moon. Once I had thought it terribly lonely. Now I see that when it needs company, it has them.

I guess I expected more from Rado. From someone who supposedly loves me, he should be able to BE that much for me. But I do understand that he was partly worried, partly mad and exasperated with me. I am with him too. But it doesn’t change my decision to keep us on a totally platonic level. He should respect me enough to respect my wishes. Even if he doesn’t fully understand them. That is faith. That is trust. That is love.

I’m going to go cry now.

i haven't written in a while. i didn't feel the need to. plus, it was summer and i was growing.

but here i am today. i am writing. and it is because of him. the one man who i am always able to write about so freely. i'm writing about Rado.

with so many factors against us i wonder how it is that we can still even talk to each other at all. if you can call what we do now talking, that is. but somehow we find a way to do just that.

we end up fighting and not speaking afterwards of course, but we always find our way to back. i wonder how many strikes we have left.

i shouldn't feel this way. neither of us should. it would make picking up the phone so much easier. i remember a time when it was so. but if we didn't feel this way, would we have any need for the phone?

sometimes i think our cue has passed and it was a one-night-only performance. other times i think our soundtrack hasn't been put on yet. i wonder which one of the two is actually wishful-thinking on my path.

i want to talk to him. right at this very moment. but i wont.

anyway, the line is busy again.

Speaking of life changing decisions, there's a topic i have been hesitant to address - My future career, which isn't so future anymore. Next year i will be done with Biomed ISA. Now, I've thought really long and hard about this.. and i hope that i have made the right decision. Bomb-shell alert!

I have decided to not apply for Medical School after all.

God, going to medical school and becoming a doctor is all i have known for a very long time and now, it isn't what i seem to want anymore. My decision doesn't stem from any sort or form of under-confidence. I am too self-assured (vain?) for that but I do have other reasons:

1. Biomedical Science:
I didn't intend to, believe me, it just hit me but i am in love with Biomed. I love what i do, what i learn, the critical thinking, the frustrating hours, even immunology! Biomed was initially just a means to an end for me.. with the end being Medicine of course. I had been too immature and unprepared to tackle it at 18. Biomed was suppose to give me the experience, growth and confidence i needed, but in the end i wound up falling for it, i love it! Biomed is a laid-back kind of course but at the same time not boring, which makes it almost tailor-cut for me.

2. Hard work:
I am honest enough to admit that i am a lazy bum. Okay that's incorrect but i have thought about the work involved in pursuing a career in medicine. I have listened to med students and residents alike. Read blogged accounts of those who are going through and those who have gone through it. I envisioned myself in that position and well, it wasn't a pretty image. Not that i ever expected it to be one. But it was more gruesome and demoralizing than i had initially thought. I am in a very precarious state of sanity as it is (hence the psych-ward breakout), i fear that if i put that kind of pressure on myself, i would eventually go over the deep end.

What i have learned from my rather limited survey is that brains alone won't get me through med school. Med school (as i understand it) is 70% hard work, 30% brilliance. I'd have to put in 102% of myself all the time for 4 years. I don't mind the time range, it's the work FORCE that inhibits me. I do work hard for things i want, but sometimes not hard enough. I don't want this to be one of those cases. Plus, i have so many plans for my biomed degree too, ISA.

This is all so much easier to talk about than I'd initially thought. I am not sad. I feel empowered that i was able to make such a huge decision for myself.. and a huge one, it is! I am not a failure. I am just wiser and more insightful than i once was. At first it felt like i was letting go of a major part of me but then i realized that i was substituting one dream for another. Paving the way for change and hopefully better things. Kind of like letting go of Ray; it was needed for my growth and development. Ha, ha! Perhaps i may have grown after all (just not taller, still the height of an average 14-year old boy). *sigh*

There is no 'right' choice i believe. but if there were one, i hope i have made it.

Juicy RainDrops! ♡

P.s
I got into my final year specialization option - Medical Biochemistry. And my grades were really, really good too (way above average). i guess i really can achieve things when i put my back into it.

A few days ago, someone sent me a image which I later made my avatar only to be asked by another what I thought of the picture.

So I looked at it again.

It was of a girl, crouched in a field of snow by a tree. She had black wings and crows flying over her head. She is barefooted although her surrounding is completely covered in snow. Her world is a very cold place, yet she remains in the nude. She isn’t oblivious, I think, just habituated. The crows gather at her location because she attracts misfortune like bees to honey or moths to a flame.

Everything about her posture and environment screams her desolation. Her head is in her hands but by her foot is a little twig and a patch on the snow where she had been doodling; thinking, or waiting perhaps? There is tattoo on her arm, which suggests that, at some point at least, she had been a part of something. A tribe or family. She had not always been alone.

She is scarred and not entirely an innocent; her dark wings portray that clearly and so does her black veil which trails in the pure white snow. She is undergoing an internal struggle between good and evil but her lowered eyes and bent head, something about them make me think that right at that moment, evil seems a very attractive choice to her. In my mind’s eye, I can clearly see her getting up and flying away with those crows. That would be her point of no return however.

But within it all she is frightened. She is just a girl, after all. An angel with dirty wings. If I had to give this picture a title it would be, Broken Angel

So you want to know what I see when I look at this picture?

Though I know not the artist, I know what he/she has drawn so beautifully.

They had drawn me.

Dear Lola,

I am ashamed to admit that I didn't know what to get you for your birthday this year. I thought long and hard about it but the only thing you really wanted i couldn't give to you. You've been so hooked on your desire to have a child that you've left me helpless as to what to get. I thought about getting you one of those Baby Annabelle dolls that cry, poop and sleep. I actually loved the idea until i realised that giving a Baby Annabelle to a 21-year old ~~girl~~ woman, wasn't the best idea i'd ever had. I mean at 21 you could go to war, buy and drink alcohol at a pub, vote, drive and even get married. No, a Baby Annabelle definitely wouldn't do.

21 is THE age. So were 16 and 18 but 21 is suppose be the pinnacle of our lives. I have to make it momentous for you.

Then it hit me.

The perfect idea: I would take you up on the highest point i could find. And while we're up there i will show you the world (well at least part of it). Show you the numerous possibilities that awaited you. You can literally be anything or do anything. The world is your oyster, your playing field. You only have to play it, live it. Live, for those who have become before you and those who will come after you. Live, for those that you love and those that will love you. Live, because this is a chance that you have been given. Embrace it and live, because not doing so will have made your very existence futile.

Live and leave your footprints in the sands of time.. and in the hearts you will have touched. Live, darling because you only get to do it once. So make mistakes, fall in love, get hurt, be loved, prosper and never, ever forget the journey.

Have an awesome day.

Bucket loads of love,

Jasmine-Marie.

It's Easter break! *Phew* I can breath again.

I left Braddie as soon as i could (which was 2 hours after my last lecture. Yes, i was that desperate). Arrived London and headed for the apartment The Folks usually stayed in when they were in town. I regretted it almost instantly. No! regret isn't what i feel. There is a word for what i feel, i just don't have it yet..

I seem to be haunted by the ghosts of my family. Every room, every corridor holds memories that seem to jump out at me. Firstly, I walked through the door to have a vision of my sister running to welcome me. Then i walked out of the kitchen singing 'When you look at me - Christina Milian' and heard my brother make a snide comment about my singing voice. I also had a 10-second conversation with Pappi before i realised that i was standing alone in his bedroom.

Somewhere in the back of my mind i do know that I'm hallucinating, but i can't seem to help it. I can actually feel their presence here with me. Then, to stab an already inflamed toe, Ray went and picked today of all days to want to take a walk down memory lane..

"Sometimes when we miss our loved ones to a certain extent, the mind can not help but manifest them from our hearts to our eyes." - MJH

You know, i think i've found that word i didn't have earlier. It's loneliness. I am lonely.

Well now, after putting a face to the enemy i think i know what i need next: Sleep! I am going to let my exhaustion overcome me and hopefully have a dreamless slumber.

Rest well.

Juicy RainDrops!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!

I think the globally used line is, "it's been a while".. Though that may be an understatement in my case. "It's been ages" seems more like it.

I took a sabbatical-type break from writing. I'd realised that i wrote more than i lived. I wrote about doing things, seeing things and feeling things that i wasn't actually doing. And with each passing day, the possibility of my actually experiencing it all was diminishing. Time was passing me by.

And then my work got affected. Nothing i wrote made any kind of sense (not that it usually does), but this wasn't my normal insanity. The words seemed hollow and inappropriate. Like a terribly written biography, in that the author cannot even begin to understand the feelings of the subject. I was loosing my connection with the art. It didn't help that my university schedule was as crazy as they came either. Any breathing time i had was dedicated to sleep and 'Bleach'. (Wouldn't you sacrifice a few daily hours for Byakuya too?). Then came the bad news. It broke my heart, it did! *Sigh* But i digress.

After not writing (not including scientific essay reviews of course) for over two months i have come to an astounding conclusion. I would love to tell you that i had an epiphany or something of the sort, but i didn't. I did do, see and feel somethings. Some were pleasant enough while the others made me want to crawl back into my safe zone. But i didn't. Or rather i haven't. I'm still feeling my way through the maze. The further on i move, the more i realise that there isn't a haven at the centre of the the labyrinth. As long as i want to move further and farther on, i am going to have to always 'dip a toe in the pool' first. There are no certainties. Not in this life anyway. I'm learning to be fine with that. I am also learning to free-fall. And to love and accept myself just the way i am. My new definition of perfect is 'HAPpY!'

I am currently reading 'Cult of Osiris' by Andy McDermott. I came across it by accident and only after starting did i realise that it was the 5th book of a series. It doesn't ruin the story line at all and the books seem to be independent of each other so i guess i'll just carry on.

I don't think i'll be taking anymore 'leaves' from writing. I've missed it too damn much.

Juicy RainDrops!

♡

Lola and I had a quibble. You know that quibble, right? The one you have with your best friend over a 'very serious matter' which you never can seem to remember and/or explain.

...and when you make up it's like nothing ever happened.
It all got me thinking about friendship and the kind of bonds we make. You don't go looking for it, it finds you. Fate. In our case it was Lola who found me and for that I'll forever be thankful. :)

...and then you get to a point when your silences are shared and comfortable. When only a single look can transmit a 1, 000 words.
You will fight and exchange words but you make up because even then you know that during your times of joy and sorrow there's no one you'd rather share it with.. you don't worry about your tomorrows because you know you're going to be facing it together...

She has seen you at your very worst and lowest. Through foiled plans, broken hearts, bad hair days and hang overs.

Here's to you, me, and those special friends that we are blessed with! Here's to us!

Juicy Raindrops

Pic Post

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Movie Reviews (1)

Here we go again..

The Final Chapter

Mr. Anonymous

100th Post

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Inspired by Ted

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To be; Or not to be

Broken Angel

Happy 21st Birthday, Lola!

- Insert appropriate word here -

Return of the Psychward breakout!

The way old friends do

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