The aftermath.
One woman: Nora Roberts. <--- BIG FAN!
Okay, fine! I shouldn’t have let temptation get the best of me but I just had to read a novel.. with Reproductive Biology exam on Monday. Shoot! I needed some heart-melting romance injected into me and I knew where to get it. I read “The winning hand” and I’m irrevocably in love with Mac Blade. (well, at least until the next great book).
[Weaving fantasies..]
It baffles Lola that I’m a romantic. Apparently someone as cynical as I couldn’t possibly be one. I actually prefer 'realistic' to 'cynic', but hey! We all need a little romance. I honestly believe that it isn’t over-rated. I mean anyone could woo and win a woman (or attempt to) but it’s the thought that counts. To have a man pay attention enough to try.. using his head and not his libido for once. Who wouldn’t be smitten?
Bakar is always talking about how I’m such a sad romantic and how my fantasies aren’t ever gonna come through. He means well I know, even I think that way sometimes. Most times though it’s more, “what else do you believe in?”. You’ve got to believe in something. Little graces. And me, I believe in RooQ. Heart, body and soul, I do. I tried to shift the parameters with Ray, to make the image fit him and not him the image. That obviously didn’t turn out right. And I realize that it was never suppose to. I hang on to my perceptions of Ray because well, otherwise I’d have to change. Using him as a defensive mechanism works just fine, when honestly our time together is nothing but a distant memory to me now.
Speaking of the present, I’m ready to make that move. Actually I’m not. I’m scared shitless but isn't that what living is all about. Stepping out into the unpredictable, testing waters?
It is said that you hardly ever have to look far for what you seek. It is usually right under your nose, at the last place you'd look. Lately, well, lets just say I’ve been shaken but by what I’ve noticed.
We all have that one friend that’s seen us at our lowest and, heaven knows why, still love us.. being there every nasty or brilliant step of the way. Well what happens when you start to think that (perhaps) if you ever had to break out of your protective shell, you’d do it only for them?
But it would never work. I mean, i think it wouldn't. Why should it? We're best mates for Pete's sake. He seems to think there's more, but is there? or am i only thinking this way because he's planted the seed of doubt in my head? Yea, that's it. Why mess up a good thing, right?
OMG! I'm not sure anymore. *Gasp*
Oh bugger! Is this all because of the book I just read?
"Thank you Nora Roberts" She drawls with dripping sarcasm.
I'm sticking to my Reproductive Bio and Biochemistry from now on.
♡
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