Bob

May 08, 2011 J. 0 Comments

i know i need to write but i don't know what. i know i need to get out. just out.. somewhere.. out of all my comfort zones. Maybe even visit a foreign country alone. Somewhere exotic, beautiful place, beautiful people, beautiful language.. Venezia! I still don't know what's stopping me. I have marveled at pictures and dreamt of going so many times.. I know it will live up to my expectations but i worry that i wouldn't know what to do when i got there. That once reality sets in and the novelty fades, I'll just wish i were back home. Evidently i don't do this often. but lately I've been thinking about packing a bag, buying a ticket and just leaving. without over-analyzing it like i do everything.

no phones. no emails. nothing. just me, alone, for the very first time.

But my sensibility is too ingrained, i couldn't. i want to, just to prove i can but i know I'll hate myself for it afterwards. I'm not made that way.

perhaps i just want to experience real loneliness to prove to myself that what i feel now is nothing. not even a scratch on the surface. that should explain why I'm doing this right now instead of studying for the Physiology exam that i have in 29hours. needless to say, i haven't had any sleep. and if i sleep now, i won't wake up till about 3pm. then I'd have 19hrs to said exam. OR i could stay up now and study some more. no! I'm not feeling it. I'm not in that place right now.

I've really got to stop doing this. i don't even have a title for this blog yet. Hmm, i think i'll name you "Bob". why? Because I can! *Tongue out*

God, aren't i acting 8? *long sigh* i want to bang something against the wall. and maybe even stomp my feet. Yes, little miss perfect does have tantrums too. plus it's that time of the month. If Mimi were here she'd tell me to take long deep breaths so.. *Deep breath* *out* *in* *out* *in* *out*  hey! it does feel better.

Nope! lost it!

Question: How many times is mother's day celebrated in a year? I could've sworn I sent my Momma a card just last month. Am I loosing it again?

I'm bored. 

Shikenan!!