Since life is a choice..

May 02, 2011 J. 3 Comments

God works in mysterious ways. I have always known that. Whenever I needed Him, He has always come through for me. So it was no surprise really when I felt compelled to follow a link I saw on a comment of a blog. The link then led me to another blog where there was a story of two friends. I would love to go into details but I won't. If you're interested, you could read it here. The comment that caught my attention was anonymous and it went:

 "Interesting comments so far however everyone seems to be forgetting one thing and I attribute that to Nigerians and their cultural mindset. Do you people sincerely think that it is God's wish for everyone to get married? Just because Nigerian society makes marriage and child bearing seem like the beginning and the end of one's life does not mean that it is that way with God. This is also why some women and men keep hopping from one bad marriage to the next and they wonder why they are not happy in the institution. God has a different purpose for each individual. For some, it is the purpose of marriage and kids and for others, it is something else. Here in the West, I see single women making strides everyday. Some are at the peek of their careers, others adopted a baby or two and are enjoying motherhood, others are making a positive impact in their communities through volunteer work (Volunteering, yes,...a strange word for many Nigerians.....), others are U.S Supreme Court Judges, others are researchers and experts in their chosen fields and the ADVANCED societies they live in celebrate their accomplishments.

 However, Nigeria is another case. It is an overwhelmingly negative, unproductive, oppressive, disorderly, UNADVANCED society. It is a society I will never want to raise my kids in even if they paid me to. We Nigerians blame our leaders for the mess the country is in but most of its citizens are as much to blame with their backward, oppressive, gender-centric mindsets. Even other Africans here abroad talk negatively about how Nigerians are obsessed about marriage and the birth of children and how Naijas pop babies out like unspayed rabbits knowing they lack the adequate financial resources to take good care of the kids and offer them an enviable quality standard of living. Anyway, na una sabi.

Condoleeza Rice is not married and she is the most powerful woman in U.S. Same with Oprah.

If they were in Nigeria, they would not reach such potential because people wont be able to look past their single ness.

That said, both ladies have lives to live and should have spent more time living their lives than sleeping around and judging/monitoring each other."

 Okay, so this won't make a lot of sense so I should probably start at the beginning. Lately, there has been a lot of chatter in my head about marriage. I should make this clear from the start. I don't HATE the thought of marriage, it's just a 'not-now' prospect for me. I come from a very cultural country though (one I couldn't describe as colorfully as Anonymous has above), and lately this is how my conversations go with elders.

Them: So Jasmeen, just how much longer do you have to be in school for? I mean you're not getting any younger.
Me: *Strained, fake laugh* Well, about six more years not including my specialty training. Afterall I am going for two degrees InshaAllah.
Them: SIX YEARS! Isn't that too long? When will you settle down and get married then? Well, I guess you could get married and still continue schooling.
Me: Nah, That's not the plan. I want to finish schooling and start working before that. I have to be able to fend for a child before bringing one to the world.
Them: Your husband can do that for you. He will provide for everything while you take care of the house...

From this point on end I see RED so I'm not listening anymore. My parents (Bless their hearts!) support me completely and I know that that is all that should matter. But when friends of mine, who had the same (or similar) goals to mine start sounding like the billboards for marriage then..  I guess it makes me sad. Especially when they say, "I'm tired of schooling, I just want to get married". Then they turn around and go, "Jas, you're not honestly serious about Medicine, are you? You wouldn't even get to practice, I mean with the kids and all..".
I wonder if they ever sit to think that marriage itself is an institution. Running away from school to get married.. WORK DONE = ZERO! 'Cuz you're right back where you started. 

A bit of info - My mother finished University and Law School before she got married. She did her NYSC in her husband's house and worked for 12 years (while having 3 kids). This was back in the 80's. Her older sister is a Chief Justice, with 6 children, who works till date. I know the combination of marriage, work and kids is not particularly easy but it HAS been done. Over and over again.

And because this has also happened time and time again, I will mention it too. 2-4 years into most marriages, when the shine of newly found love has faded, the husband does one of two things. Marries a younger, more educated girl (it is within his rights) OR starts treating the wife badly. I have heard and seen situations where he (the husband) actually goes as far as telling his wife off for asking him for grocery money, knowing full well that she wouldn't have any herself.. or accusing her 'wasting' his money. I would like to believe that she would have flung his money in his face had she had a paying job of her own OR he wouldn't have even dared treat her that way in the first place. It pains me to say that this is the society from which I come.

My parents and close-knit family have protected me from all of this. But I am no longer a child now. I might have started harboring minute doubts but never again InshaAllah.

In the words of Eminem: "I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly. And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony."

Since life is a choice.. This is mine!
My life will not be dictated by anyone but me. This right here is MY decision. And I feel pretty darn good about it. If you can't stand it then go curl up somewhere and gently decompose. This is my life! *DUECES!*