Alone

May 22, 2011 J. 0 Comments

Bin2's split and I am just that, alone. Started packing for Saturday but i'm a bundle of nerves. I haven't spoken to Rado either for reasons it would take too long to explain, requiring time and energy i don't have. If i could have one wish at this very second it would be to disappear. Where, i don't know or care, but i need to just be. My four walls are suffocating me. Making me focus on things i'd rather not. What is it they say about idle minds?
Sigh!
I would go for a walk but somehow i don't think that would accomplish anything, afterall i would have to return home sooner or later. I hate feeling this way. Like i'm the only person on the surface of the fricking earth. Spoke to the fam and Lola too but as soon as the call ends, i'm spiraling right back to square one.


So here's the game plan:
1. Heartfelt playlist (Claude Kelly, Jay Sean, Lee Carr, Neyo, Joe, Boys2Men etc..)
2. Long, hot shower (apricots and jasmine!)
3. Favorite pjamas (Shorts and my brother's t-shirt)
4. Light flavoured, scented candles (Keeps the ghouls at bay)
5. Snuggle with Truffles, Booboo, RooQ ( Jasmeen's angels)
6.  ..and Mortimer! (Atlanteans tend to cheer me up!)
7. Go into major sleep coma ( if i never wake, i would have gone to bed happy)

And to the incessant voice in my head: "Yes, i want to talk to him but i wont.. i can't. Capisce?"